The Kardashians (Ye be warned… Here thar be course language)

Kayne: She take my money, when I'm in need. Kim: ... How did you know?!

Kayne: She take my money, when I’m in need.
Kim: … How did you know?!

… Why? Why, in all that is good in this planet, are these people famous? WHY?! WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE STUPID ENOUGH TO ACTUALLY WATCH THIS GARBAGE AND ACTUALLY GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THESE PEOPLE?! The Kardashians overall are probably amongst one of the most idiotic fads that has swept this planet, and I would consider them as nothing but a plague.

But before I continue this God-forsaken rant, let’s delve into a little history about the Kardashians, namely the biggest whore of them all, Kim.

Kim Kardashian. Daughter of Robert and Kris Kardashian. It should be noted that her father, Robert, was a lawyer who worked on the defense of the OJ Simpson case… Really? He was TRYING to defend OJ… Anyways, Kim Kardashian was known as a friend of Paris Hilton (No surprise there) and in 2007, had a home sex-tape of herself released to the public. Before this, Kim was just a nobody. A face in a crowd, someone who you’d pass on the street and never look twice at. But after attempting to sue the company that released her sex-tape as a pornographic movie, she settled instead for $5 million and soon afterward, Keeping Up with the Kardashians was unleashed upon the world.

Now I haven’t seen the show, because frankly I don’t plan on losing brain cells that I could use to come up with awesome design work and emotion-charred rants such as this one, but from what I’ve heard about it… Mother of Sweet Baby Jesus, what the HELL are these people watching…

Within the first season, such RIVETING family dramas are brought up, such as:
– Kim buying her sister a stripper pole for an anniversary gift (No, seriously… THAT was the first episode)
– Arguing over the publication of Kim’s raunchy photos
– Kourtney getting arrested for being DUI after her father’s death anniversary
– Kris (The succubus mother) trading places with Kim and taking part in a semi-nude photo-shoot.

OK, so I went to Wikipedia for the episode synopsis, but that’s irrelevant. THIS is the garbage that people are subjecting their minds to, in the name of entertaining themselves. Mind you, this is JUST Keeping Up with the Kardashians. I won’t even go into the spin-off series, such as:
Kourtney and Khole Take Miami
Kourtney and Kim Take New York
Kourtney and Kim Take Miami
Khloe and Lamar

… Yeah. They went there. The succubus started whoring off her other daughters in an attempt to make more money for the Kardashians. And some of you may be wondering why I hate the mother so much. Reason: SHE IS THE MASTERMIND BEHIND ALL OF THIS! She is the manager for the girls, although I think that’s changed, I’m not really sure, because I don’t want to give my computer a virus from all these Kardashian-related searches.

This brings me to another point about Kim. She’s obviously the central focus about anything Kardashian and she’s had the audacity to state publicly that, and I quote;

“I worked hard to get where I am today.”

… You worked hard to get to wh… You worked har… God, excuse me for one moment, I think I just had an aneurysm… YOU WORKED HARD TO GET WHERE YOU ARE TODAY?! ARE YOU HIGH?!

A) You are the daughter of a big-shot laywer who probably had a very comfortable life.
B) You spread your legs for a sex-tape which you then cashed in on and achieved your “fame”, which I’m not even going to go into about, since the contents were just… Ugh…
C) You then whore yourself out to reality TV shows, making yourself appear to be one of the most self-centered narcissistic whores on the planet.
D) You then create all these labels with the Kardashian name on it, and do very little to zero work in making those brand successful, apart from doing public appearances and maybe saying yes or no to a design.
E) You also had your little fake marriage, which you got caught out on, and STILL made money off it all.
F) YOU EVEN STATED THAT YOU HAVE COMPETITIONS WITH YOUR SISTERS ABOUT WHO HAS THE BIGGER BANK ACCOUNT BY THE END OF THE WEEK!!!!

My GOD! This is just… I don’t even… I literally do not even have the strength to continue… I’ve been sitting here now for about an hour, writing up this rant, and I feel as though I could go on forever…

You know what. No. I’m NOT going to continue this. It’s clear from the above what my opinion is about this cancer to society is, and I think it’s best that I just stop here before I say something that’ll get me into trouble…

With that being said…

Yep. Pretty much.

Yep. Pretty much.

All images belong to their respective owners.

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