Big Brother: An Uncut Review

Jade: And then we'll get married in Italy, and have hot little babies, and live together happily ever after, and... Ed: *thinking* For the love of God, shut the fuck up.

Jade: And then we’ll get married in Italy, and have hot little babies, and live together happily ever after, and…
Ed: *thinking* For the love of God, shut the fuck up.

Big Brother. Last year’s one was shit. This year’s one is awesome. I don’t know why, but I’m REALLY liking the housemates in this season. They’ve really picked a variety of people to mix together and the little dramas that are going on are just pure solid gold. It should be noted that I more than likely have no life, thus I get excited about stuff like this despite how it has nothing to do with me. But it’s not relevant. Let’s dive into what I think about this year’s Big Brother, Season 10.

The Housemates

Clearly the housemates are happy with the lack of a Sharon

Clearly the housemates are happy with the lack of a Sharon

As I’ve already mentioned, this year’s batch of social experimental rats are a nice diversity. So we’ll go by Gender, since it’s more easier for me to list them off, even if you already know who they are. And yes, I WILL be including already evicted housemates. Just look for the ones that have this on them.

The Girls

Heidi – Radio Host
Jade – Model/Bar-Maid
Jasmin – Flight Attendant
Katie & Lucy (Sisters) – Nurse and Student Teacher (Respectively)
Mikkayla – English Teacher
Tully – Social Media Strategist (Really? That’s a job now?)
Tahan – Government Worker/Part-Time Model
Sharon – Mum/Personal Trainer

The Boys

Ed – Sports Manager
Rohan – Arts Student
Xaiver – Property Manager
Drew – Chemical Engineering Student
Ben – Unemployed
Caleb – Fire Fighter
Matt – Former Soldier
Tim – Environmental Science Student.

Seriously, they’re a good mix. But of course, there are always some wet blankets in the house and I’ll list a couple of the ones here that really got on my nerves especially. Firstly, Rohan. Jesus Chirst, you’re on Big Brother and you’re one of the most nerdiest people I have ever seen. Now, being a nerd myself, THAT IS A BIG THING FOR ME TO SAY! Us nerds have to stick together, but this guy… He couldn’t even last a couple of weeks after being introduced as a surprise house-mate. He did VERY little in the house, was lazy as hell, and even criticized other house-mates for not being fun enough. Mind you, he claimed to be a master of psychological games. The only games you know how to play is World of Warcraft by the looks of things, because your social skills are horrible.

Next on my Big Brother hate list is Tully. OH. MY. GOD. STOP FUCKING CRYING! EVERYTHING results in her crying. Sad story, she cries. Happy moment, she cries. Drunk, she cries. Sober, she cries. Seriously, are your hormones so out of whack that all you do is do nothing but bitch and cry? And don’t play the lesbian card, either. You even admit that after meeting Drew, you may not be a 100% lesbian. (Cookie points to Drew, for being able to convert a lesbian back over). But seriously, she is so annoying and now her and Tim have got their little war going on, which isn’t going to end well for her as the public hates her and she’s up for nominations this week.

Next is Tim. Oh my fucking God, I don’t even know where to begin. Magnificent Bastard.  Click that link and you’ll know what I think about Tim as a whole. He’s one of the only house-mates who is properly playing the game and has got a large following behind him, via the public. Me personally, I hate this guy. He is pretty much nothing more than your typical school-yard bully. He deliberately goes out of his way to cause trouble and he’s nothing more than a giant pot-stirrer. Now I’m all for people being cheeky and pulling pranks, but this guy does more than that. He’ll outright talk about someone as if they weren’t there, when in reality they’re just around the corner. He’ll also target certain things that are going on between certain housemates and then use that to his advantage to get one over them. Like making Ed and Jade pash on that Big Brother: Late Night Feast episode, which was pretty much the catalyst for that whole situation. Overall, he’s just a giant dick and the sooner he leaves, the better.

The final one who gets on my nerves at the moment, is Jade. This girl literally is a slut. She plays around with Drew, then moves onto Ed when they were both drunk and then pretty much stalks him for a few days, even though he’s CLEARLY not interested. Get a fucking clue in your head, you silly, silly girl. And then she bitches to Big Brother about people commenting about her using her looks to get places, etc. Um, you’re a model. Your job is literally to look pretty. I’m not saying this in a bad way, but yes. You literally do use your looks to pay for the bills. That is/was your job. Stop being a whore by playing around with Drew and Ed.

The others, I’m OK with. But I suppose you want to know which ones are the ones that I like. Well then, let’s start with Ed. This guy is funny. People complain that he’s boring, I find him funny. He’s kind of dim, but he’s got that whole “Prince Charming” vibe that all the girls are feeling. Newsflash ladies, we do that shit on purpose to make it easier to score with you. Ed possibly could be one of the biggest players in the Big Brother house, if he just embraced the fact that every single girl is ready to drop their panties for him at the first chance.

Next is Tahan. … I know nothing about her personality, all I see is sexiness. … What? I’m a guy, did you expect me to give a detailed analysis about her personality and such? Fuck no, she’s hot and I wish that I could have someone as stunningly good looking as her. But seeing as how I’m the human embodiment of “Forever Alone”, that’s not going to happen. So I want her to stay in the house so I can obs-perv.

Ben. Oh my god, this guy is literally a crack up. He’s so shy to the point where everyone tries to show him new things to make him come out of his shell, and I love it. THIS is the sort of thing that I love about Big Brother. Shy people going in and being brought out of their shell. It’s amazing and I simply love it. And I love how within the first couple of episodes, he actually tried to work out in the gym with Ed and the others, only to just give up. The important thing is that you tried, Ben. That’s all that matters.

The House

Best. Idea. Ever.

Best. Idea. Ever.

Splitting the house by having 1/4 of it being a shit-hole, with 3/4 of the house being epic. Best. Idea. Ever. I LOVED seeing people in the Half-Way House constantly complain about how the Safe House had all the best things and that the H-W House had to wait for them to finish their meals, before they could eat. Of course within a couple of weeks, the barriers were removed, but there was already a bit of tension already built which still exists to this day. Also, the inclusion of George Clooney (An adorable dog) is just genius. Now the House-mates can’t be bored. But seriously, I like this house.

The Perv Factor… Yes, I’m being serious

... No words can describe the sexiness.

… No words can describe the sexiness.

… Ok, before the girls who are reading this all start thinking that I’m a sexist asshole and start bombarding me with feminist-based comments, if you can honestly tell me that you have not perved on Ed, Matt, or any of the other fellas in the house, then I will call you a liar regardless. Let’s be honest guys, this is one of the reasons WHY we watch Big Brother. Naked showers, nudie runs, and strip dances. Why the hell do you think that Big Brother: Late Night Feast was one of the MOST watched episodes of this season. People are pervs. It is as simple as that. We are all pervs. You go to the beach, of course you’re check out that topless sun-bather or that dude surfing. You go to the nightclub, of course you’re mentally undressing all the sexy people in the club or, if you’ve had enough drinks, trying to dance-rape them by constantly grinding on them.. Hell, even at WORK, I’m sure most of you have that one person where you’re having your little NSFW (Not Safe for Work) day-dreams.

Face it, you’re all dirty little pervs.

People actually want more uncut footage of the Big Brother house, because the 7pm show is for the drama and bullshit like that. We’re adults, we can handle nudity and naughty words. We’re not going to giggle at words like Fuck and Boobies… Hehe… Boobies… But of course, when Big Brother: Late Night Feast was announced, EVERYONE got excited. We all thought it was going to be like Uncut where every man who watches this show hoped to God that Tahan, Jade, or the Sugar Sisters would bare all in the showers or make out or do something incredibly sexy… But what do we get?

Ed stripping naked for a dare, and Drew and Tim doing nudie runs that were pretty much blurred out. Seriously, Big Brother? Did it NOT occur to you to maybe show some of the girls getting naked or something? You DO have straight guys watching this show too. You can’t just be providing Eye Candy for the girls and the gays. THE HETEROSEXUAL MALE COMMUNITY DEMANDS THAT YOU HAVE MORE GRATUITOUS FEMALE NUDITY! Preferably more of Tahan and Jade. Tully and Heidi can keep their clothes on, frankly. But you honestly CAN NOT tell me that while we have guys stripping down and doing nudie runs, that the girls aren’t making out drunkenly, or anything. The best we got were some girls in a bikini.

Also, blurring? Really? This is supposed to be an uncut look into the house. Why the hell would you blur out the frontal nudity. Look, I’ve had a penis my whole life. Since I go to the gym, I have to at times be around other naked guys while I’m getting dressed. I can handle seeing boy parts on a TV screen, as can most of your female viewers. This makes me worried for the female nudity. Are they gonna blur that out too? What’s the point of it being “uncut” if it’s still blurred? I’m sure that at 9:30pm (10:30 in some states), all the kiddies are off to sleep. And if they are awake, it’s the parents’ fault.

But seriously, we all want a more balanced Uncut show. Nudity from both genders that have no blurs, more swearing, and just more real interactions. It’s an Adult show. Make it more Adult.

And because I believe in Gender Equality, I’m going to provide Eye Candy for you ladies, since I have a sexy picture of Tahan up there.

I can feel your hatred... And I love it.

What? If Big Brother doesn’t show us uncut nudity, why should I?

Overall Opinion

Overall, I love this season of Big Brother. The Housemates are interesting, save for Tully who I hope to God gets evicted with Tim, and the little dramas that are stirring up due to Tim’s Magnificent Bastardy are enticing and luring me in to watch the next episode.

9/10

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