I was totally a Joffery when I played this game
This is the big one guys! My very first 3-part review series. I’ve decided that since the world of Game of Thrones (A Song of Fire and Ice to you book fans) is WAY too immerse and in depth, the review of it should be as well. So, let’s kick off our epic trilogy by beginning where it all started. Game of Thrones Season 1. Please note, that throughout this 3-part review, there WILL be spoilers. If that displeases you, then hop back over the Wall and stay there.
Before I actually begin to give my thoughts about the series itself, I feel as for those who haven’t seen it or read the books, that all of this will be confusing. As I mentioned before, the world of Game of Thrones is WAY too immersive for me to sum up in a simple manner, so I’ll be only providing the following historical events.
– The White Walkers’ first attack on Westeros led to the Children of the Forest and the First Men and the Andals building a giant Wall made of ice. It stretched across the entire land, coast to coast, in order to prevent the White Walkers from ever returning to Westeros again.
– Many ages later, Aegon Targaryen and his sister-wives (Yeah, the Targaryens were into keeping the bloodline pure with incest) conquered the seven divided Kingdoms of Westeros by using 3 MOTHER. FUCKING. DRAGONS! And I’m not talking about dragons that were moderately sized, oh no. The smallest dragon would swallow a horse whole whereas the largest would cover towns in shadow as it flew overhead. Aegon Targaryen was a fucking bad-ass. That is all.
I know what I want for Christmas now, mummy
– For around 300 years, the Targaryens ruled Westeros until Aerys Targaryen, aka The Mad King, was made ruler. Years of incest had resulted in Targaryen children either being normal or being completely psychotic. Guess what Aerys is. He was so psychotic that he literally burned things just for the sheer hell of it. His actions, along with help from his son Rhaegar, resulted in the start of Robert’s Rebellion and the end of the Targaryen Dynasty. Robert Baratheon was afterwards named as the King of Westeros.
– Several years after this event is when Game of Thrones begins.
Now there are lots of families who are going to be included in this review, since the series includes more and more over time. I would give a synopsis on each one, but that’s a review all in itself. There’s also a MUCH larger background into such things as the Free Cities, The Wall, the Nights Watch, etc. If you want to find out more, please feel free to Google “Game of Thrones Wiki” and look that shit up, because I seriously wouldn’t know where to begin. Either that or Youtube “Game of Thrones Lore and History”, grab some popcorn, and enjoy 2-3 hours of detailed history.
So, without further ado… Game of Thrones. Season 1. Let’s get this bitch rolling.
Synopsis: The Seven Kingdoms
There’s a whole bunch of these on the net, and I love them all
The season begins with end of one of the longest summers coming to an end, as well as the return of the White Walkers. A member of the Nights Watch watches them kill two of his fellow Nights Watchmen. He escapes from them, or is rather let go, but instead flees over the Wall and escapes towards Winterfell, where he’s captured by the Starks. Ned Stark, the Lord of Winterfell and the Warden of the North, sentences the man to die, as a result of breaking his oath. He is then visited upon by the King of Westeros, Robert Baratheon, who was his best friend during the Rebellion and before that, as well as Robert’s family. They include wife, Cersei (The Cunt) Lannister, and 3 children, Joffery, Myrcella, and Tommen. They are escorted by guards, one of which is Jaime Lannister, Cersei’s twin brother, and their younger dwarf brother, Tyrion. During this time, Jon Snow, Ned’s bastard decides to join the Nights Watch.
Robert informs Ned that his former Hand, Jon Arryn, has passed away and he is asking Ned to formerly become the new Hand of the King. While this is going on, Bran, one of Ned’s younger sons, discovers that Cersei and Jaime are actually incestuous fuck buddies and as a result, Jaime throws him from a window’s edge in an attempt to kill him. Bran survives, but has no recollection of the event, as well as losing the use of his legs. Later, an attempt is made on his life, but is thwarted by his pet Direwolf. Catelyn Stark, Ned’s wife, insists that to find out who hurt Bran, Ned would have to go to Kings Landing in order to find out who it is.
So Ned and his daughters go to Kings Landing, where his eldest daughter Sansa is due to be wed to Joffery, and Arya is to learn more about how it is to be a lady, since she’s a bit wild. While in Kings Landing, Ned enlists the help of Petyr Baelish, aka LittleFinger, into finding out who killed Jon Arryn and who would hurt Bran. Cersei proves to be a cunt throughout the whole season. Literally, that is her character. To be a bitch. Oh and have sexy times with her twin brother, her cousin, and god knows who else, but whatever.
This should so be an ad
Tyrion, aka the Imp, goes to the Wall for a little bit before being captured by the Tullys, Catelyn’s family, and is brought to Catelyn’s sister who was Jon Arryn’s wife. Tyrion is accused of being the one who tried to kill Bran and is sentenced to Trial by Combat. He picks a sellsword named Bronn as his Champion and wins the Trial. He is set free and returns to Kings Landing.
Meanwhile, after digging around in the archives, Ned discovers that Joffery and his siblings are in fact the children of Cersei and Jaime, not Cersei and Robert. He tells Cersei that he will inform Robert about this when he returns from his hunting trip, but Robert is gravely injured during the trip. Upon return to Kings Landing, he names Ned the Steward of the Kingdoms until his heir is of age. Ned informs Cersei about this, who has already made Joffery, King. Ned organizes a coup against Cersei and Joffery, only to be double-crossed by Littlefinger.
Ned is put to trial and at the behest of Sansa and Cersei, Joffery agrees to give mercy if Ned announces himself as a traitor. Being a proud man, Ned finally puts it away as he does as he is bid. But Joffery orders the execution regardless and Ned is beheaded in front of Sansa, and Arya who is in the crowd of people and whisked away for her safety.
I literally have a calendar dedicated to this
One thing that needs to be addressed: Joffery is a fucking psychopath. No really, he is literally one of the most hated characters on the show. THAT is how much of a psycho he is. He beheads Ned, and then “surprises” Sansa by showing her, Ned’s head on a spike, next to her Septa’s head. Basically, he gets joy out of other people’s pain and he believes that as the King, he’s invincible and can do whatever he likes. He also is the one responsible for Bran’s assassination attempt. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DO NOT SPANK YOUR CHILDREN, PARENTS!
While all this is going on, Robb Stark, Ned’s eldest son, is Lord of Winterfell in his father’s place and shit goes on while Ned’s away. He saves Bran from some Wildings who have crossed the Wall, is a smart-ass to Tyrion, etc. But upon hearing about his father’s capture, he declares war on the Lannisters. Robb rallies support from fellow Northerners and in the process, is forced into an arranged marriage for the support of Walder Frey, since he controls a vital area of the North. The news of his father’s death hurts him greatly, especially since he had planned on using Jaime as a bargaining chip for Ned, Sansa, and Arya.
Theon Greyjoy was a ward/hostage of Ned’s who was taken in by the Warden of the North during the Rebellion of the Iron-born. Nothing really important happens to him this season, apart from fucking a whore… Oh and swearing fealty to Robb when he goes to war.
Hey, he’s keepin’ it in the family
Jaime Lannister, aka The King-Slayer, doesn’t have that much of an interesting season in the start, apart from some character development. Once Tyrion is taken by the Tullys, he confronts Ned in a battle on the streets and during it, Ned is injured by one of the Lannister bannermen. Jaime decides to let Ned go, since the battle was not won by him fairly and is then chastised about it by his father, Tywin. Jaime is then given an army by Tywin to counter the Starks and Tullys, but it captured by Robb Stark and confesses to throwing Bran out the window, but doesn’t say why.
In other words, when Ned Stark dies, shit hits the fan motherfuckers.
Synopsis: The Wall
George R.R. Martin HAD to have had this in his mind when he was writing the story
Jon arrives at Castle Black, located on the Wall and has more of an advantage over the other recruits when it comes to skills like swordplay, having been raised by Ned as though he were a true-born son of his. To counter the jealously of the others, as well as to repent for ridiculing them, Jon agrees to help them with their training. Upon finishing his training, Jon is inducted into the Night’s Watch as a steward to the Lord Commander, rather than as a Ranger. Jon is upset, but soon realizes that he’s been picked because the Lord Commander has taken a liking to Jon. One night, the Lord Commander is attacked by a wight (a dead body brought back by White Walker magic) and is saved by Jon. He gives Jon his family’s sword, since he has disowned his own son and has no heir so to speak. Or as he calls it, “A bastard sword for a bastard”. By the way, it’s not meant as an insult, since bastard swords are a type of sword. Look it up.
Jon hears about Ned’s arrest and contemplates leaving the Nights Watch to join Robb’s forces. It isn’t until Ned is killed that Jon runs away to join Robb, only to be stopped by the recruits he had helped earlier. The Lord Commander says that the threat of White Walkers far outweighs the troubles of the Kingdoms and that Jon will join them when they march beyond the Wall to find Benjen Stark, who went missing, as well as find out if the White Walkers have truly returned.
Synopsis: Over the Narrow Sea
Yes, Daenerys Targaryen’s story is SO bad-ass that it gets its own section.
That subtle smile indicates how much she’s secretly looking forward to sexy times with this guy
Daenerys and Viserys Targaryen are in the continent of Essos, which is east of Westeros, across the Narrow Sea. Dany is married off to Khal Drogo, the leader of one of the largest Dothraki tribes. Dany is a shy and timid girl who does not wish to marry Drogo, but Viserys wishes it so that Drogo will give Viserys command of the Dothraki army and march on Westeros to reclaim his throne. They are also accompanied by Ser Jorah Mormont, the son of the Lord Commander at Castle Black. As a wedding gift, Dany is given 3 dragon eggs, which have become stone over the ages and said to no longer hold the life of a dragon within.
It should be noted that House Targaryen’s sigil is a 3-headed dragon.
Dany at first isn’t happy about her marriage to Drogo, but soon finds herself growing to embrace the Dothraki culture and her husband. Viserys is clearly upset about this, as Drogo does not live up to his side of the deal… Well… Not exactly. Drogo claims that he will allow Viserys to use his army when the timing is right according to Dothraki customs. Viserys, having seen the Dothraki give Dany the love that only a Queen would have, threatens to kill Dany’s child, who is still in the womb, if Drogo does not give him what was promised. Drogo complies and proceeds to give Viserys a golden crown fit for a king… Literally, he gives Viserys a golden crown… You know… Like the crown on you head… Covered in molten gold… Searing heat… Yeah.
Hey, he wasn’t specific about that shit. So technically, he got what he asked for.
Dany watches this and proclaims that on the contrary to what Viserys had thought, he was no true Dragon. It should be noted that the Targaryen bloodline was capable of producing those who called themselves a Dragon. Individuals that were able to be unharmed by flames. The books go into more detail, in that they were able to have visions of the future, but this isn’t displayed in the series. Regardless, Dany’s pregnancy moves on until she encounters women about to be raped, during one of the Dothraki raids. She manages to convince her husband to save the women and Drogo is injured in a fight, brought on by a fellow Dothraki who wanted the women to be his, as by Dothraki rights.
Drogo’s wound gets infected and Dany begs for the one of the women, who calls herself a maegi (Someone who practices Blood Magic) to heal her husband. During the ritual, Dany goes into labour and is brought to the maegi for aid. Dany soon awakens to find that her husband is alive, but he is nothing but a vegetable. She also finds out that her child was stillborn with lizard-like scales, bat wings, was blind and his skin fell from the bone at touch and that his death was paid for Drogo’s life.
When confronted about this, the maegi said that before Dany had saved her, she had been raped 3 times, saw her temples burn, and saw children she had healed being killed in the streets. After smothering Drogo with a pillow out of empathy, Dany constructs a pyre for Drogo to be burned on. She has the maegi tied to the pyre to burn along with her husband. She also places her dragon eggs on the pyre. It is lit and moments later, Dany walks into the fire to the shock of the remaining Khalasar.
When the flames clear and pyre is ash, Dany is seen sitting on the ground, naked, and surrounded by 3 dragons, which had hatched from the eggs. The Dothraki, along with Mormont, fall to their knees and proclaim Dany as their leader and queen.
My Favourite Character
So fucking true. She needs her own show.
Daenerys. I mean, out of ALL the characters this season, she’s the one who evolved the most on screen. She started as a shy and timid princess who was basically the property of her brother, Viserys. She’s then married off to a complete bad-ass like Drogo and then over time, begins to gain confidence in herself and then is able to stand up to Viserys. She doesn’t even cry when he’s killed. Despite all this, she’s still got that kind and loving side to her as the Dothraki loved her and she wanted her husband to show mercy to the people who they raided. Ultimately, when her unborn son and husband are all dead, she understands the true meaning of life, as the maegi told her, that without that which we value and cherish, we are nothing. And then by the end of it all, she has 3 motherfucking dragons. Not 1. Not 2. BUT 3! Seriously, how BAD-ASS is that shit! Having read the books, I know what happens later on, but STILL! 3 MOTHERFUCKING DRAGONS!!!
My Favourite Villain
Oh fuck the hell yes
Tywin Lannister. Oh my god, I love this guy to death. He is literally the Game of Thrones’ version of the Magnificent Bastard. He is calculating, intelligent, and ruthless and literally the richest man in the Seven Kingdoms. Hell, he is SO ruthless that he ended House Rayne of Castamere SO epically that they made a song about it. And whenever someone pisses off Tywin, all he has to do is send someone to play “The Rains of Castamere” to them, and they immediately buckle. This cemented the Lannister motto “A Lannister always pays his debts” and it is something that he and his children live by.
I won’t go into why I love this guy as a villain, since his bad-ass is more explored in Season 2 and 3, but rest assured that if Tywin is pissed at you… You just fucking run away to the other side of the Wall or the Narrow Sea.
Changes from the Books
I’ma kill your ass and then resurrect you to be my bitch
There are actually quite a few changes in the series when they’re compared to the books. One of the main changes is the White Walkers. In the books, they have white skin and reflective armour. In the series, they have grey skin that appears frozen, have a face that looks as though it were a skull, and they’re not seen wearing armour. The White Walkers are also referred to as Others by those in the Seven Kingdoms and only called White Walkers by the wildlings on the other side of the Wall.
Another change was the age of the children in the show. This is mainly due to the fact that the series starts 17 years after Robert’s Rebellion, whereas the books starts 14 years after the Rebellion. Therefore, all the children are 3 years older on the series than their book counterparts.
Another thing was the Targaryens were supposed to have purple eyes in the books, but the series decided against this since the actor’s emotions were unable to be conveyed through their eyes.
If I listed all the differences, it would honestly take WAY too much time. So just go to http://gameofthrones.wikia.com/wiki/Differences_between_books_and_TV_series_-_Season_1 if you want to see all the differences in Season 1.
When I was told about this show, I was told that it was basically a rip-off of Lord of the Rings, minus the magic rings. It put me off from watching the show for the first 2 seasons, but I ultimately came around and began watching it. And man, was I NOT disappointed. This show literally is one of the best shows on television at the moment. The characters are so realistic and have such a depth to them all. While we all love to hate the Lannisters, you DO see that the children are all like this due to Tywin holding the family name to such a high regard. You see that Joffery is an asshole because his mother spoon-fed him tales of how when he was king, he could do what he liked. That, along with the fact that Robert never actually bonded with his “son”.
And the storyline… Man, oh man, the storyline is intense. It’s filled with everything. Drama, action, romance, comedy, all of it. And the amount of in-depth history and lore of the fictional universe really do make it spring to life. The history ACTUALLY dates back 10,000 years from the start of the series. Seriously, look it up. There is about 2-3 hours of footage that explains the entire history of the Game of Thrones universe.
It’s clear that I’m a MASSIVE fan of this show, if I’m willing to write a review about this show to the level that I’m writing at, at the moment. If you haven’t seen this show yet… The fuck are you doing? Go to JB-Hi-Fi, buy the first 2 seasons and watch that shit. And then Season 3 hits the shelves, buy that and watch it!
This show gets a clear 9.5/10 from me.