Game of Thrones Review: Season 3

Ok guys, no more lollygagging about. If you haven’t seen my previous reviews for Season 3, be sure to click HERE for Season 1, and HERE for Season 2. Now, let’s get this motherfucker rolling!

In the Seven Kingdoms

Kings Landing

Margaery: Isn't it awesome that we're going to be family? Cersei: ... Bitch, you better back the fuck up before I go Rains of Castamere on your ass.

Margaery: Isn’t it awesome that we’re going to be family?
Cersei: … Bitch, you better back the fuck up before I go Rains of Castamere on your ass.

Tywin Lannister and Tyrion clash, Tywin claiming that despite his efforts as Hand of the King in his absence, Tyrion basically is lying about all his accomplishments and disinherits him from what is rightfully his. Tywin also admits to Tyrion that he blames him for the death of his wife, Joanna. Joffery and Cersei have a small dinner party with Margaery and Loras, and after finding out that Margaery is able to win the love of her subjects, begins to worry as Cersei herself is only capable of ruling through fear.  She soon harbours more hatred for Margaery, when she begins to make Joffery show some love to his people.

Sansa is approached by Littlefinger in regards to escape Kings Landing and a plan is struck up between the pair. This is aided by the fact that Margaery gives Sansa the idea of marrying Loras, so that she may escape Kings Landing, once and for all. Over time, her and Loras spend some time together, which rouses the suspicions of Cersei. With two plans set in motion, she is all but set for escape, but is thwarted by Tywin. He forces Cersei to marry Loras, against her wishes, and for Tyrion to marry Sansa, against his wishes.

When Tyrion and Sansa are wed, Joffery acts in place of her father, who he ordered to be executed, as well as took away the stool for Tyrion to stand on. This leads to a breaking point, when Tyrion opens threatens Joffery in front of everyone, but is able to defuse it by acting drunk. Tywin also assists and gets Tyrion and Sansa off to their bedding ceremony before Joffery can make things worse.  Tyrion however assures Sansa that he will not have sex with her unless she wants to, much to the delight of her and Shae.

Dragonstone and The Brotherhood Without Banners

It's all kinky and shit, until someone brings the leeches out

It’s all kinky and shit, until someone brings the leeches out

Stannis, Davos, and what’s left of his army arrive back at Dragonstone, and find out that Melisandre has been offering human sacrifices to the Lord of Light, with the new offerings being those who spoke against her. Davos attempts to kill her, but fails and is imprisoned. Stannis asks Melisandre to give him a ‘son’ like the one who killed Renly, in order to end Robb and Joffery, but Melisandre refuses, claiming he would die. They instead decide to use other royal blood, aka King Robert’s bastards that may have survived the purge. She then departs to find Gendry, who is the last surviving bastard of Robert’s.

Arya is revealed by Sandor Clegane, aka The Hound, whilst taking refuge and, along with Gendry, is brought to the Brotherhood Without Banners. Clegane and Beric Dondarrion, the leader of the Brotherhood, engage in a Trial by Combat for the Hound to prove his innocence for killing Arya’s friend, back in Season 1. The Hound kills Beric, but finds that Beric is able to be revived from death by the Lord of Light, through the Red Priest, Thoros of Myr. The Hound is let go, much to Arya’s disgust.

Melisandre soon arrives and takes Gendry, Arya finding out it was due to her paying them gold and is shocked by how the Brotherhood would let a Brother be taken so cheaply. She runs off into the night, and is kidnapped by Sandor Clegane. She believes he is taking her back to Kings Landing, but in reality, he is taking her to his brother’s wedding.

Melisandre brings Gendry back to Dragonstone, where his blood is taken via leeches, as a demonstration to Davos about her power. Stannis throws the three leeches into a fire, naming Robb, Balon Greyjoy, and Joffery as people he wants dead.

In the North

Robb’s army is starting to weaken as they haven’t had a significant victory as of late, and the news of the Lannisters and Tyrells uniting has made them wary. He is able to claim Harrenhall, but does so by discovering it abandoned. Robb discovers that Rickard Karstark has murdered the two Lannister hostages that he had held, as revenge for Karstark’s own sons being killed in battle. The men who murdered the boys are hanged, and Karstark is beheaded, against the wishes of those counselling Robb. As a result, the Karstarks pull out of Robb’s army, leaving him weakened.

The Red Wedding

After discovering that Casterly Rock isn’t at full strength, Robb decides to win back the alliance of House Frey, who he lost when he married Talisa, despite being oath-bound to marry one of the Frey girls. They are able to make a deal where his uncle will take his place. They arrive at the Twins and the wedding soon takes place. The wedding bards soon play “The Rains of Castamere”, a song that long served as a song to show House Lannister’s brutal nature. Upon realizing that the Freys, as well as the Boltons, are with the Lannisters, Catelyn is too late to stop Talisa getting stabbed multiple times in the womb, killing her as well as Robb’s and hers unborn child. Robb is shot down by multiple crossbows, with Roose Bolton delivering the final blow. Catelyn is shortly killed after.

... Honey... Honey... Honey, are you ok? I know that you've been fatally stabbed multiple times, but I just thought I'd ask.

… Honey… Honey… Honey, are you ok? I know that you’ve been fatally stabbed multiple times, but I just thought I’d ask.

Outside, there is a massacre as Robb’s army is destroyed. Arya and the Hound arrive, only to see Robb’s mutilated body, his head removed and Grey Wind’s (his Direwolf) attached to it, the men singing “Here comes the King of the North”, as an insult to Robb calling himself ‘The Young Wolf’. The Hound takes Arya away before she is discovered.

The Aftermath of the Red Wedding

After “The Red Wedding”, as it was referred to, Kings Landing is informed about it and Joffery gleefully declares that Robb’s head will be served to Sansa when he and Margaery are wed. Tyrion openly threatens him yet again, with Tywin coming to his defense. Joffery mocks Tywin, which results in him showing his power over Joffery by essentially sending him to bed without his supper. He also tells Tyrion that he is to impregnate Sansa by any means necessary, and informs him that if Tyrion hadn’t been born as a Lannister, he would’ve killed him at birth.

Stannis hears about “The Red Wedding” and Melisandre plays it off as her magic working. Stannis intends to kill Gendry in order to secure his victory, but Gendry is released by Davos, who has escapes from his cell. Davos is brought to Stannis and insists that he is to be kept alive, as the Night’s Watch need Stannis and Stannis needs Davos to find men to serve them. Melisandre confirms this and Stannis mocks Davos about how his lack of faith got him saved from death.

Does anyone else feel that these two are awesome together?

Does anyone else feel that these two are awesome together?

Arya and Sandor come across a group of Frey men, who are mocking the deaths of her family. She kills one of the men, with Sandor killing the rest. Sandor is shocked to see that Arya stole the knife from him without his knowledge, and she looks at the coin given to her by Jaqen last season, and whispers “Valor Morghulis”.

Jaime Lannister and Brienne of Tarth have travelled throughout all this time, but are soon captured by men affiliated with House Bolton. Jaime is able to sway the men from raping Brienne, but loses his right hand after attempting to bribe the men with his status as Tywin’s son. Jaime finds that he is unable to fight properly without his sword-hand. He also recounts to Brienne the story behind him slaying the Mad King.

Sorry sis, I lost my fingering hand while I was coming back. Looks like the foreplay is up to you, now.

Sorry sis, I lost my fingering hand while I was coming back. Looks like the foreplay is up to you, now.

Jaime is soon sent away to Kings Landing by Roose Bolton, on the condition that Brienne stay to face charges of treason. Jaime soon returns for her and saves Brienne from nearly being killed by a bear in a pit, threatening the men that if Brienne does not come with him, Bolton will make them pay. He soon arrives back at Kings Landing and returns to Cersei, who is shocked to her twin brother after all this time, noting the stump where his hand should be.

Theon Greyjoy and The Iron Islands

Theon spends this entire season being tortured. He is first tortured by Bolton men, some of which are dressed in Greyjoy colours, before he is released by a boy who informs Theon of where to escape to. Theon is caught once again by Bolton men and before he is raped by one of them, the boy from earlier saves him. Theon admits his sins and regrets doing  the horrible things he did, before he is brought back to the same torture room and tied back up.

This scene... Every guy alive will feel for Theon in this scene.

This scene… Every guy alive will feel for Theon in this scene.

The boy then tortures Theon some more by first flaying a finger and mocking him when he plays a game with Theon to guess who the boy is. Soon after, two whores come into the room and fondle with Theon, hearing that he was well-endowed. Theon resists at first, but soon gives in. The boy returns, surmising that Theon’s favourite toy, before he castrates Theon. Theon soon after watches as the boy, who is now revealed to be Ramsay Snow, the bastard of Roose Bolton, eat a sausage and listens as he mocks Theon about his severed member. Theon begs for death, but Ramsay refuses. He then renames Theon, Reek, and then beats him until Theon complies.

Balon Greyjoy  and Yara are sent Theon’s genitals in a box, demanding that all Ironborn leave the North, or more Theon will be sent to them. Balon refuses to give in, as Theon is no longer a man in his eyes. Yara objects by taking the fastest ship with 50 of the best killers on the Islands to rescue Theon.

Beyond the Wall and Bran

Jon Snow is led to the main wildling camp and meets Mance Rayder, the King Beyond the Wall. He is questioned about his intentions, but convinces Mance that he wants to join them, and subsequently does so. Jon then marches South with Mance and his army, with the intent of destroying Castle Black. Jon is sent with small force to distract Castle Black while Mance’s army attack. Jon and Ygritte bond while making the journey, and soon reach the Wall. They begin to climb it, before part of the ice breaks, causing Jon to save Ygritte after being close to killed by Orell, a warg who has accompanied them and who thought they were lost.

Beyond the Wall, the Night’s Watch are taking shelter with Crastor, despite his sick nature for giving his sons to the White Walkers as tributes. Crastor openly mocks the men, especially Sam Tarly. Sam visits Gilly, one of Crastor’s daughter-wives, who then gives birth to a baby boy. They both realize that Crastor will offer him up as a tribute. Later on that night, the men of the Night’s Watch kill Crastor and their Lord Commander, after becoming sick of the insults. Sam and Gilly escape from them.

Huh... Something made from a volcano is the only thing that can kill a being that looks like it's made of ice... Go figure.

Huh… Something made from a volcano is the only thing that can kill a being that looks like it’s made of ice… Go figure.

Soon afterwards, Sam and Gilly encounter a White Walker, which has come for Gilly’s baby. After having his sword shattered by the White Walker, Sam manages to kill it with one of the Dragonglass Daggers that he found last season. He is shocked to see that it kills the White Walker and then runs with GIlly, after a flock of crows chase them.

After they scale the Wall, Jon and Orell have a brief argument, before they attempt to steal horses. They come close to a tower where Bran and company are hiding out, and a storm passes overhead. Hodor begins to yell in fear and Bran, who has discovered he is a Warg, is able to calm Hodor by entering his mind. Bran has met with a boy who is able see the past and present through his dreams and informed Bran of his power. The boy, Jojen, and his sister, Meera, convinced Bran that his place is beyond the Wall, hence why they are using the tower as shelter.

I feel as though she would go all "Over-Attached Girlfriend" on his ass anyways

I feel as though she would go all “Over-Attached Girlfriend” on his ass anyways

After Jon refuses to kill the horse keeper, he is attacked by the wildlings. Bran assists by using his powers to take over Summer, Bran’s Direwolf, and along with Shaggydog, Rickon’s Direwolf, is able to defeat the wildlings. Jon rides off back to the Wall, leaving Ygritte. Bran, Jojen, Meera, Summer, and Hodor head north to the Wall, while Osha, Rickon, and Shaggydog head to a loyal bannerman of House Stark, for safe keeping.

At the wall, they run into Sam and Gilly, who give them the some of the Dragonglass weapons, informing them that they are the only things that can kill a White Walker. With that, Bran and company finally pass beyond the Wall, while Sam and Gilly head to Castle Black.

Across the Narrow Sea

Daenerys arrives at Astapor with the intention of buying an army. She is persuaded after she notes that her Dragons are not growing fast enough and that in order to reclaim her throne, she will need an army. She is impressed by the Unsullied, who are among the finest warriors in the world. To her distaste, she discovers that they are slave soldiers and that as a result, they will obey any command, even if the command is to kill themselves. She is then told that there are 8000 warriors for sale and she has a day to decide.

On her way back to her ship, Daenerys is nearly assassinated by a Warlock, but is saved by Ser Barristan Selmy, who has defected from Joffery and sought out Westeros’ true ruler. Soon afterwards, Daenerys strikes a deal that she will trade her largest Dragon for the entire army of soldiers, which Kraznys, the slave master, gleefully agrees to. When the exchange is made, Daenerys orders the Unsullied to kill all slave masters and for Drogon, her largest Dragon, to burn Kraznys alive. She then leaves Astapor with 8000 Unsullied and all 3 of her Dragons.

I have motherfucking Dragons. Your argument is invalid.

I have motherfucking Dragons. Your argument is invalid.

Soon, she arrives at the city of Yunkai, with the intent to free all the slaves in the city. After meeting with the Yunkai herald, negotiations fail and Daenerys finds out that the Yunkai have the Second Sons, an army of mercenaries, who Daenerys tries to persuade to join her cause. They refuse and send out one of their leaders to kill Daenerys. The assassin however kills the other leaders and declares his fealty to Daenerys, who now have the Second Sons, as well as the Unsullied at her side.

Grey Worm, the elected captain of the Unsullied, Daario, the now Leader of the Second Sons, and Jorah sneak into the city and sack it with relative ease. Daenerys then sees to the city, as the slaves are now freed. They are pleased with her freeing them and call her ‘Mhysa’, which in their language means ‘Mother’.

Thoughts on this Season

Yep, pretty much.

Yep, pretty much.

Considerably one of my favourite seasons of the series, there were a lot of moments that really got me vested and wanting to watch more. Once again, the Jon Snow storyline really doesn’t do anything for me, nor did the Theon storyline. I know that if you’ve read the books, they get somewhat more eventful later on in the series but I’m watching the show here and now. I need to be vested in them now, or else I lose interest in them overall. I will admit though, the Theon torture scenes were nice to watch, since I hate his character. I liked how Joffery and Tywin clashed a few times this season, with Joffery actually bringing up valid points against Tywin, who dismisses them. After all, if you heard that one of the contenders for your throne had Dragons growing, why wouldn’t you wipe them out early and eliminate the stronger competition. But it was nice to see Tywin basically put Joffery in his place, all without so much as raising his voice.

…. Ok, fine… I guess you’re all wanting to know what my reaction to the Red Wedding is. Now, first of all, I’ve read the books so I’ve seen that shit coming for a while. But damn… That was NOTHING like how I pictured it in my head. Firstly, the books didn’t have Robb’s wife present at the wedding, since he felt it wasn’t necessary for her to be there. Secondly, Robb wasn’t as well of an established character in the books as he was in the TV show. The real reason why that event shocked everyone was because:
A – Majority of the people have not read the books.
B – It literally happened out of nowhere.
C – HBO didn’t spare the graphic details.

Grey Wind's death really got to that dog.

Grey Wind’s death really got to that dog.

I will say this though, I did spend some time looking the reactions that people posted on YouTube and stuff. Some of y’all are pussies. Simple as that.

Once again, Daenerys just fucking rocks. That scene where she essentially steals an entire army and then kills the people who gave them to her was just pure epic. We can see that Daenerys is adjusting well to her status as a ruler, showing herself to be kind when needed as well as a ruthless conqueror when the situation calls for it.

The shows decision to make Bran’s Warg abilities different was something that I wasn’t really a fan of. In the books, Bran was only able to see through the eyes of his Direwolf. In the show, he is able to take over Hodor’s mind to calm him down. I can understand that the show will differ from the books in instances, but this is a pretty big thing to make different. But in all honesty, this is one change I think we could’ve done without.

Changes from the Books

There is WAY too many to list here, so once again I’m cheating by giving you this link here to read through all the differences: Game of Thrones Season 3 Differences.


This season gets a solid 9/10 from me. Bring on Season 4 and remember that for you American readers, Winter is Coming.


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