Dragon Ball Super – Bitch Nerd Rant about Gohan

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Fucking kills me seeing this

Ok Akira Toriyama… We need to talk. Sit down. No really, sit the fuck down.

OK, as many people who know me will come to realize, I am a massive Dragonball fan. I’m the kid that would PURPOSEFULLY wake up early, sit through Aerobics Oz Style, just to make sure I could watch DBZ on Cheez TV. If Mum even THOUGHT about making me leave the house before 8am, I’d go Super Saiyan on her ass…

Promptly followed by a smackdown and me crying but whatever, you get the point.

So, naturally, when I heard that Dragon Ball Super was being made, my inner child went ADHD and I was over the moon. I get to see the story continue! I get to see how my favourite characters had grown over time! I was excited!

Until I realized the first 2 arcs were basically the new movies, followed by a new storyline.

OK, so I hated Battle of Gods, because the idea of Super Saiyan God is fucking retarded. Seriously, it’s a stupid concept and it shouldn’t of been made. The mythology behind Super Saiyan 4 was MUCH better than 6 Saiyans joining hands and using the power of friendship and some bullshit to TEMPORARILY become a God. Shit’s not even fucking permanent.

Resurrection F was a fucking joke. Super Saiyan God Super Saiyan… Akira, are you even TRYING anymore? It’s bad enough that Saiyans are essentially living Gods after Super Saiyan God, you gotta boost THAT up too?

But that’s not the real reason I’m writing this post. I’m writing this post because Dragon Ball Super has officially made Gohan the fucking Yamcha of the Saiyan Race.

Fuck.
You.
Akira.

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Dear fucking God, what have they done to you

Seriously. Gohan was the fucking GOAT (Greatest of All Time) by the end of DBZ. The Strongest Non-Fused Character. SUPER SAIYAN 3 GOKU WAS A BITCH COMPARED TO GOHAN!

And what did Dragon Ball Super do? They made him into a bitch. That’s right. The kid who defeated Cell… Got the Mystic Power Up from Old Kai… THE STRONGEST FUCKING CHARACTER AT THE END OF THE SERIES…

Bitch. Little. Office-Working. Bitch.

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WHAT THE FUCK DID THEY DO TO YOU, GOHAN?!

… I literally don’t even…

Yeah look, the thing that pisses me off is that by the time they get to the Resurrection F Saga, Gohan has completely lost the ability to use his Mystic Power Up and, get this, STRUGGLES TO TURN SUPER SAIYAN. I fucking shit you not. Struggles… To turn Super Saiyan.

Right, let me dial this back to the Cell Saga for a moment.

Gohan in the Cell Saga had trained with Goku long enough to be able to essentially LIVE as a Super Saiyan without it having any sort of energy drain on his body. At all. So he could use the full power of a Super Saiyan without having to waste power transforming.

That shit does NOT go away because you don’t train. Muscle Memory is an INCREDIBLY powerful thing. You may not be physically capable of doing a move as you used to, but your body remembers how. Transforming in DBZ is no different.

Now, let’s speed things up back to where we were.

Frieza, at the first stage not his final form, was able to fucking get Gohan rekt to the point where Piccolo had to jump in to save him. Piccolo… Jumping in to save a fucking Super Saiyan…

Again, fuck you Akira Toriyama.

So after that saga ends, Gohan asks Piccolo to train him again, since he’s learned from being that weak that he can’t protect his wife and daughter like he should have been able to do. Oh thank you sweet baby Jesus, Gohan is hopefully gonna be the GOAT like he used to be.

So at the time of writing this rant, we’re on Episode 30 of Dragon Ball Super, where Gohan has been training with Piccolo and he’s slowly starting to get back into the grove of things. Piccolo is still kicking his ass, but meh it’s a start. Goku and Vegeta are like “Hey Gohan, we’re fighting in a tournament in 4 days, come along”. Gohan’s like “Yeah I’d love t… Oh shit, I have a fucking conference I can’t go”.

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Yeah nah brah, I gotta go work and earn a living. Fuck getting stronger

… BRO! YOU ARE FUCKING TRAINING TO PROTECT YOUR FAMILY. Fuck the conference and get your ass back into training! Hell, they even fixed the Hyperbolic Time Chamber so you can go back in there and train your ass off for 3 days with Goku and Vegeta to become super strong again.

But no… In an anime focused on fighting, energy blasts and shit like that… You decide to have Gohan be a little bitch and care more about a fucking conference than a chance to get stronger.

Again, fuck you Akira.

Naturally, since the series is still going, I don’t know exactly how they’re going to handle Gohan’s character from this point on… But if the past is anything to judge by, it’ll be shithouse as usual.

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2 thoughts on “Dragon Ball Super – Bitch Nerd Rant about Gohan

  1. Hey, I agree so much with this! 👍

    I shared a link to this post in my Tumblr so more people would be able to read it!

    The thing about “Gohan´s struggles to turn Super Saiyan & muscle memory” in this post is brilliantly made and I was happy to read it!

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