Mitchell Pearce – Opinion Piece

OK, so now that a couple of days have passed and I’ve had my giggle about Mitchell Pearce, I’m going to state what my rational thoughts are in regards to his actions.

First and foremost: Yes. I know it’s a private party. Yes, the person filming him IS a scum-bag for doing so, and then selling it to the highest bidder for that amount of money. To that guy with the phone, you’re a dick and Karma is going to bite you in the ass.

BUT, with that being said, that doesn’t excuse Mitchell’s actions, nor does it allow him any sort of protection from scrutiny. I have to admit that when I first heard the story, I was dumbfounded. Especially considering that I hadn’t seen the video yet and the media was hyping it up. Then I saw the video.

Look, the act of what he did with the dog wasn’t as bad as it was made out to be. Was it wrong and disgusting? Of course it was. But that’s not enough to get the bloke fired, in my opinion. Nor is urinating on himself of the couch, because let’s face it… Most of us have been in a situation like that where we’ve gotten drunk and made an idiot of ourselves. I know I certainly have.

What honestly makes Mitchell a disgrace, in my eyes, is the way he was forcing himself onto the woman in the video, refusing to leave when being told multiple times to leave, as well as the comments about Indigenous people and gay people.

Before you all jump out with pitchforks, calm down and let me explain.

Mitchell is a footy player. He is paid a LOT of money to be a footy player. With that, comes certain responsibilities that must be upheld. And that’s not up to the NRL, the Roosters, or even your own team-mates. That is YOUR responsibility to make sure that you control yourself. Private Party or not, we live in the age where technology is everywhere and everyone has a mobile phone. If you’re in a party with a group of people that you don’t know, the logical thing to do would be to behave yourself so that nothing can be used against you.

Also, briefly touching on the other players who were with him in that party, they should have stepped in to make sure that Mitchell didn’t do anything stupid as well. These are guys who play together as a team and need to have that bond where they go out and protect each other from doing stupid things.

Mark Geyer said it perfectly when he gave his assessment on the matter;


And therein comes the next part, which is that I believe Mitchell Pearce needs to be removed from the game for his own personal safety and rehabilitated. This is a man who’s had multiple problems in the past, one of the more recent ones being the incident with the Woman in the Yellow Dress a couple of years ago. If this were a player that wasn’t as well-known as Mitchell, he’d of gotten the sack by now. Hell, Dane Nielson got the sack from us for biting on a woman’s leg. And before everyone starts to grind my gears about it, I know there are worse people playing in the NRL at the moment. The NRL isn’t consistent with it’s punishments and that’s something that I think needs to change.

And I think it should start here. The NRL have said in the past that they’re going to be cracking down on player behaviour. This is the perfect time to showcase that. I don’t want Mitchell Pearce sacked because he doesn’t play for the Dragons & I don’t want him to get sacked out of malice.

I want him sacked because he NEEDS to get out of the NRL and needs to get some help. And quite frankly, this is something that should’ve happened ages ago. Because Mitchell is incapable of controlling himself when it comes to Alcohol. And at the end of the day, he’s doing himself harm more than anyone else.


Tales from Retail – Old Job Edition


Chicken or popcorn, get ready for some entertainment

So, now that I no longer work for my old job, I can actually talk about it a bit more candidly and about some things that I otherwise probably couldn’t talk about… Well… I could, but I’d just end up getting fired or something. But seeing as how I’ve moved on from that place, I can talk about my old job.

Now, out of respect for my old co-workers who still work there, I’m not going to be naming the place where I used to work, nor name anyone specifically. Primarily because I really don’t want to drag that place through the mud. But more on that later.

DISCLAIMER:  I will be swearing a LOT in this review. If you can’t handle the F word, C word, etc… Then get the fuck off my blog.

History of the Old Job

We needed this sign when we closed up shop for the day

Now, I was at my old job for about 5 and a half years. That was a very long time and one where I got to learn about how customers are pretty much assholes when they don’t get what they want. Now, I was 19 when I first started working there and I left when I was 25. I had that job throughout TAFE and Uni, so it was my only source of income during that period of time.

I had been brought in as a casual, like most people tend to be when they start somewhere, and I was a casual for 3 years, the last 2 and a half years being promoted to Part-Time. Now, in this department store where I worked, I initially started out in the Toys section. And I fucking owned that section. Seriously, I kept that place tidy and organized to the point where my manager at the time actually let me help out in other departments, because I was quick in doing my job.

Now, after 3 years there, I got my wish of working in the Electronics Section, which is where I wanted to be where I started out.

I was a fucking GOD in that section. You speak to most of my old colleagues and they’ll tell you how I used to keep that place so clean and tidy. Thursday Nights and Weekends were the cleanest days for that section. Movies? Alphabetized those motherfuckers so people could find what they were after easily. Games? PS3 games NEVER were in the Xbox section while I was working. Music? Well, it was piss easy to take care off, since no-one ever really bought music…

But whatever, I was a God in that section. And when I finished Uni, I wanted to be promoted to Full-Time, so I could actually make some decent money… OK, I know it’s retail, but I needed to get some extra coin in my pocket. Plus, I had the aspiration to be a manager and move up.

Buuuuuut… The store manager who was there at the time refused to do so, despite that I was there for all that time. So I asked twice, and then I got a new job. I kept this one for a month and then quit the day before Christmas.

Because, fuck you assholes you didn’t reward my loyalty.

But that’s not what you people are here for. You’re here for the stories about what went down when I was at that place. Your wish is my command.


The Prank Call that got my Colleague in Trouble


Yeah… My bad…

OK, so I was working in the back dock area, doing stocktake with 2 of the other managers. Now, I’m tight with these guys because they were cool and pretty chill. Now, we’d done out stocktake a bit early and were just killing some time. So I came up with the idea to prank one of the girls who was working downstairs, just for a giggle. The managers were having a giggle, saying to go for it.

Now, we had a catalogue of what was on sale for that day, so I rang up, put on a pretty good European Accent, and then asked her for something that WASN’T in the Catalogue. She was on loudspeaker as well, as my managers were trying not to laugh. So she looks, she can’t find it, and she says “I’ll go check in the back”.

Perfect. She’d see us, we’d say ‘Gotcha!’, and laughs would be had.

Only she didn’t go to the back. She went into the bathroom. The fucking bathroom. We know, because of the echo on the phone. She said that she couldn’t find it. So, we played along and I said that it’s your catalogue and quoted the name of a DIFFERENT department store. She said that I’d called the wrong store, I said no, and then she hung up. On my face. While on loudspeaker, in front of the managers.

… Yeah… That wasn’t the best idea. So, they had an idea to sort of punish her lightly for it, but not enough to get her in trouble. Because, let’s face it, I was being a cheeky cunt. They talked to her about it, laughs were had, but they said to never hang up on customers.

So… To quote Biebs…

“Is it too late to say Sorry?”


The Manager from Hell

This is legit how much I wanted to punch this guy in the face

Now, when I was working in Toys for the last year and for the first year in Electronics, I had the fucking best Manager ever. He was chill about how you worked, so long as you got the job done. He was never angry at anyone, he was always calm and collected. And he was a South Park fan who constantly used references from the show.

I swear, it was a match made in heaven.

I fucking loved working under that guy and I was GUTTED when he had to transfer to another section. Seriously, I legit cried. But regardless, the new manager that came in was a guy who USED to work with us and then transferred to another store, before coming back.

Now, he wasn’t a manager when he first started, but I hated this guy from before. The main reason for that, was that my mother had come into the shop when I wasn’t there, to purchase some cushions and shit for the house. Typical Wog Mum shopping day. Anyways, she asked this douchebag where the cushions were and he was an absolute cunt to her. She was upset by this and naturally told me when she got home.

So, the next time I saw that fucker, which was a week later, I said the following to him:

Me: Hi mate, you remember some lady asking you for cushions yesterday? Short lady, worked downstairs at -Censored-?
Cunt: Oh yeah her. She was a bit of a bitch.Me: … That’s my mother.
Cunt: … Oh shit, sorry man, I didn’t kn…
Me: If you ever treat my mother like that again, or refer to her as a bitch or anything like that, I will fucking rip your balls off and shove them down your throat.


No one speaks about my mum that way, you Cock-Juggling Thundercunt

I said that in front of the Store Manager, mind you. I’m fucking surprised I still had my job, but that’s how much I hated this cunt.

So when he came in as the new manager, there was HEAPS of tension straight off the bat. Now, I TRIED to be professional and put that to the side and work with him. Nope, he was an asshole from day one. Tried to change everything around, despite that we had a system that was working perfectly. He tried to overload me with tedious tasks and would get pissed off because I didn’t finish 4 tasks at once.

He was just a cunt. Plain and simple, he was a cunt.

And for the next year and a half, he was just a douchebag. He sexually harassed a couple of the girls working at the store, who I had to convince to go forward about it since they were too worried. He completely fucked up Electronics. He was just a dick.

He quit before I did, so I didn’t get the chance to quit in an epic fashion by telling him to go fuck himself. But rest assured, he left without a single friend remaining there.


The Cross-Dresser and his Parents

man baby

Yes it is, Austin. Yes it is.

Ok, I’m not transphobic/homophobic/etc. but this is a funny story and it’s one where I still have a giggle whenever I talk about it.

Now, I was working in Electronics with the Epic Manager and it was a quiet day. I’d done all my jobs for the day, so I was chilling on my phone. I shouldn’t have my phone with me, but screw you, I do what I want. Now, I see a family in the shoes section, specifically ladieswear, and… God, I’m laughing just writing this…

An Indian guy, who was at least 30, dressed in a woman’s top. He had a sarong draped around him like a shoal. Ladies jeans that were looked so tight that his nuts would’ve retracted. And he was trying on ladies shoes with his mum and dad.

OK, I’m probs going to Hell for this, but I couldn’t help getting out a sneaky giggle behind the counter. So after my immaturity is sated & 5 minutes pass, they make their way to my counter. I was literally saying in the back of my head “Don’t fucking laugh. Don’t fucking laugh. Don’t fucking laugh. Don’t fucking laugh. Don’t fucking laugh. Don’t fucking laugh.”. So they come over and I swear to God, he HAD to be trying to put on a female voice or something… He still sounded like a man, but trying to be feminine. He asked if we had any Portable DVD Players that were on special.

Now, I managed to not laugh and keep professional. I showed them where we had them. It was the last day of the sale, so there wasn’t many left. We only had Pink ones left, the other colour being black. This guy wanted the black one, I told him that we had run out.

Now, this guy was SUCH a bitch about it that he would’ve put a 16 year old teen to shame. He was going off about it and it became easier to not laugh at him, because he was pissing me off. So he throws his items on my counter, demanding to pay here.

Now, I have a 3 strike rule. You piss me of 3 times, I fucking wreck you. That was Strike 1.

I process his sale and tell him how much it all is. He THROWS his money on my counter. Strike 2. So I process it, give him the receipt and he snatches it out of my hand. Strike 3.

So I smiled, gave him his bag, and said:

Me: Have a good day Sir.
Customer gives me a look.
Me: Enjoy your items Mate.
His mum and dad are giving me death glares.
Me: See you next time, Buddy.

They don’t even walk away about 5 metres before I eventually burst out laughing. Now, 10 minutes later, Epic Manager comes back and asks me about what happened with the guy. I told him what happened and he just laughed with me about it. They’d complained and said I was rude to them, but he knows I’m not an asshole unless you’re one to me.


The Turkish Bitch Who Thought I Couldn’t Understand Her

You tell her, Duges

OK, so I was pretty flat out when this happened. I was knee deep in customers, shit was on sale and I was frantically trying to get everything done. It was THAT bad that they actually got someone to help me out for that day. But this was one of my best mates at the shop, so I loved having him there to help me. Regardless, we had someone come up to the counter, skipping ahead of the other customers, asking to refund a home phone at my counter.

Now, I didn’t have my name-badge on, so no one could guess what my nationality was.

I told her that I couldn’t help her here, since I only did sales here. I pointed to the refunds counter, telling her that she had to go there to refund it. She kept trying to get it done up at my counter, WHILE I was serving other customers, and I kept giving her the same answer. So this bitch turns to her daughter and speaks to her in Turkish.

Um, I CAN understand you. Especially the part where you’re telling her to make up a story about her uncle being on his deathbed and you don’t have time. But, I don’t need drama at the moment so I just let it slide and continued to tell them where to go to get refunds done.  They kept trying for another 5 minutes and when they FINALLY got the hint, they decided to leave.

BUT, before they did, they decided to push the ONE button I can’t tolerate. The slut of a mother said to her daughter:

“Let’s go, his mother’s been too busy working the street corner to teach him any manners”


… OK, this bitch is about to get fucking REKT

I look at my colleague working with me and say “You want a good story to tell your mates? Watch this”. I then look at the woman and say to her, in Turkish:

“You know that I can understand everything you’re saying, right?”

The look on her face? PRICELESS. It was as if she had just been slapped in the face. Her daughter (Who wasn’t even hot) was in shock, looking at her mum. Now, THIS bitch of a mother tried to smooth over the situation, but I’m not having ANY of that. You called my mother a prostitute. You are getting fucking rekt, cunt.

Bitch: -Turkish- Oh Brother, please…
Me: -English- I’m not your Brother and you just insulted my mother by saying that she works the corner at nights.
EVERYONE just stops and looks at us. I’m looking at this bitch DEAD in the eyes and she’s going red.

Bitch: -Turkish- Please, I was angr…
Me: -English- Here’s an idea? Speak English so everyone here can see what sort of a scumbag you really are. How DARE you talk about MY mother like that.
Bitch: -English- Please, don’t make a scene.
Me: Get the hell out of my shop, right now. Or else I’ll come around out of this counter and make a damn scene.

She was outta there faster than Sonic the Hedgehog.


To this day, that remains to be one of the worst customers that I’ve ever had. Seriously, I can take the shit you throw at me. You throw shade at the woman who raised me to be the man I am? I will fucking wreck you.

The Lebo Lady who didn’t believe that I wasn’t Lebo

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She sure is, Duges

OK, this is one of the more bizarre ones that I’ve ever had. It’s a short one, so you don’t have to worry about an essay for this story.

I was working at Electronics and this lady came up to me and started speaking Lebanese to me. I was just looking at her with a blank expression, before telling her that I don’t speak that language. She then told me that apparently I do speak it, since I was Lebo.

Uh.. No. I’m Turkish, love.

I told her that I wasn’t Lebo and that I was a Turk. She didn’t believe me. I swear to fucking God, this bitch thought I was lying about my race. Um… What the hell for? What possible reason would I have to lie about my race? I mean, it’s just.. Really?

She literally asked one of my passing colleagues what my nationality was, since she STILL didn’t believe me after 5 minutes of arguing. They told her that I was a Turk and she just looked at me with a scowl. I just asked if she believed me now, to which she just shook her head and walked off.

Yeah, I don’t know either.


The Clicky-Fingered Asshole

DBZ (20)

This is how I felt after dealing with this asshole

OK, so this is when I was about 4 months into the job. I was still in Toys and we were having our annual Toy Sale. Now, Toy Sale for us is bigger than Christmas. I’m not even kidding, it’s the closest I’ve seen to Black Friday with people running in to get stuff. And it was going to be my first one.

So naturally, we prepared for it and it was all good to go… Until people threw sickies and I was stuck as the only one from the Toy Department working that night. Don’t get me wrong, I had help from other sections, but they don’t know where everything was like I did.

So, on top of helping customers, I was also helping the staff find stuff as well. Needles to say, I was stretched out and was doing my best to keep calm. Now, towards halfway through my shift where it got a bit more quiet, I was helping a pregnant lady out. She wanted to find toys for her soon-to-be born son, and I was totally cool with that. Showed her some nice lullaby things, etc.

And then the dickhead at the other end of the toy section starts clicking his fingers at me, saying “Excuse me!”. I turned around, saw him, and then ignored him.

Fuck that shit, I do NOT answer to clicks.

So a minute later, he walks up to me and clicks his fingers RIGHT NEAR MY EAR, saying “Excuse me! Assistance!”. I apologized to the lady, turned around to this asshole, and told him that I was serving a customer and that he had to wait. So I finished helping the lady about 5 minutes later, as this idiot was following us, tapping his foot and asking how much longer.

So I turned to him, once she was sorted, and I asked him what was so important that he had to bother me for all this time about and couldn’t be patient. I was obviously losing my cool at this point. He showed me a toy he wanted, asking why it wasn’t half-price.

JJ (9).gif

… Yeah, pretty much

I just stared at him for a moment, before I just lost it. I asked him if he could read and that the signs say what toys are half-price and what wasn’t. He then decided to get cheeky and ask me why THIS toy wasn’t for sale at half-price.

… I went Super Saiyan for the first time that day. This is literally what I said:

“I don’t know mate, maybe you should email our head office and ask them? Ask them why it’s a conspiracy that you have to pay full price for THAT toy instead of just getting a different one that was on sale. POOR YOU!”

And I just walked off and left him there. I walked past my manager who asked me where I was going. I just said that I was going on my dinner break and if they tried to stop me, I would go psycho on someone. They took me into the back where I could vent my frustrations and they were pretty cool about it.

But it was the catalyst for me to realize that in the Retail Industry, you have to back yourself up when you’re in the right. Sorry, the Customer ISN’T always right.




Literally this is how I felt after working there for that long

I hated my old job because of the customers I had to deal with whenever I worked there. But the people that I worked with? They were amazing. And for that, there’s a couple of shout-outs that I want to put out there for those select people.

Shana, you were easily one of my best friends working at that place. I loved being able to be chill with you and just talk shit on a regular basis. Whether it was about politics, NRL, customers, etc. I loved how you’d always take a second to kick back and talk.

Adam, you were easily the best manager I worked under. I loved having you there and as I said before, I was gutted when you left. Still to this day, you’re the best manager that I’ve had.

Maria, you Italian darling, I loved talking shit with you about everything. You always had great advice for me when  I needed it.

Ricky, aka Pitbull, you were a blast to work with. I loved our chats about the dickheads at refunds that you had to deal with.

And to all the other guys I got along with, I had a blast working with you all.  And to all the people who I didn’t get along with…

Well… You can all:

Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens Review (Spoilers, Duh)


Star Wars. Oh my fucking God, you have no idea how hyped I am for this movie. I grew up watching the original trilogy, which I fucking loved, and while the prequels weren’t the best, I did enjoy them. Especially the Lightsaber fights in the prequels. So naturally when I found out that this movie was coming out, my inner child was jumping up and down, screaming like a Japanese Fan Girl. For months I was hyped and as more details came out about the story, I got more and more excited.

And then someone fucking spoiled it for me on the first day it was released.


If only I could’ve done this…

Seriously, I was so fucking pissed off. So in my rage, I decided that I wouldn’t watch the movie. I thought “Fuck it, I’m out. Fuck this shit, I’m waiting until Blu-Ray”. And until last week, I held strong to that belief. I was on the Dark Side, and I felt the call to the Light… And then I caved in. I went to go see the movie. And God damn, it was awesome… So, let’s get the plot over and done with firstly.


The Plot

Best opening ever

The cheers when this came on the screen

We begin our story on the planet Jakku (Totally not a rip off of Tatooine) where Stormtroppers are invading a village, searching for a Resistance pilot named Poe who’s got a droid that has a piece of a map that’ll allow the Resistance to find Luke Skywalker, who’s gone missing. The First Order (Not the Empire) manage to find Poe after he fires at who appears to be the leader… Who stops the blaster bolt in mid air with the Force.

… Wait. Wait, wait, wait… He fucking stops a Blaster Bolt… Mid-Air… Using the Force… OP Confirmed.

He takes Poe and using the Force, is able to extract thoughts from Poe and learn that the droid has the Skywalker Map on it. During this time, one Stormtrooper named  FN-2187 watches his friend die and has a change of heart about the First Order. He decides to free Poe from the First Order and they escape back to Jakku, only to be shot down upon entering the planet. FN-2187, now dubbed Finn by Poe, watches as their ship is pulled into quick sand and blow up, assuming Poe has died.

During this time, we see Rey, the scavenger, doing her thing in an old destroyed Empire battleship. She manages to get some parts, sells them, and then she comes across the droid Poe was protecting, named BB-8. While she’s reluctant at first, she decides to keep the droid. She’s asked to sell BB-8, refusing to do so. She’s then attacked by bandits who want to steal the droid, only to kick their asses as Finn watches. They meet and Finn lies to her, claiming he’s with the Resistance.

They’re then attacked by the First Order, 2 Tie Fighters firing upon the village. The trio attempt to escape on a ship, only for it to be destroyed. They’re then forced to use the “rubbish ship” which turns out to be none other than…



I nearly fucking screamed out in joy when I saw these guys trying to escape in the Millennium Falcon. So many questions entered my mind about why it was there, what happened with Han, etc. But it was a fun scene to watch. Using the debris of old Empire ships as cover to outrun the First Order was brilliant. None the less, the heroes manage to destroy the Tie Fighters and escape into space.

So naturally, the Stormtroopers have to report to Kylo Ren about how they lost them and when the guy mentions that Finn was one of the escapees, Kylo has a tantrum about it. No, seriously. He has a fucking tantrum. Were it not for the fact he’s powerful enough to stop a blaster bolt in mid-air, I’d be tearing up with laughter.


It’s like watching a 2 year old go ape shit over not getting a toy

Regardless, he also learns about that BB-8 and Finn were helped by a girl, prompting Kylo to inquire about her.

Back on the Falcon, Finn and Rey are trying to stop the ship from breaking down, and we see some cute chemistry between Finn and Rey. Seriously, if these two don’t fuck by the end of this new trilogy, I’ll be incredibly disappointed. Regardless, Finn spills the beans to BB-8 that he’s not with the resistance and promises to get the Droid there, if it vouches for him with Rey.

We also learn that Rey is hesitant to leave Jakku, since she’s got the deluded belief that her family will be returning for her.

Wait. Wait, wait, wait… This white bitch got left on an alien planet by her family who pretty much pulled the “I’m going to the store to buy milk, I’ll be back” line. Huh, guess it’s not just black gangsters named Tyrone who go through this after all. #RacistStereotyping

Regardless, the ship is locked onto & the controls are over-written to prevent their escape. They hide in the Falcon’s smuggling bay, and we discover that the ship has been taken over non-other than…


Aaaaaand cue the cheers from everyone in the fucking cinema

HAN SOLO AND CHEWIE! Oh my god, the cinema erupted with cheer. It was freakin’ awesome seeing them back on the Falcon. Regardless, he introduces himself and the duo have different reasons who knowing who he is. Finn remembers him as the War Hero from the days of the Empire, Rey knows him as the great smuggler who made the Kessel Run in 14 12 Parsecs. Han plans on dropping off the pair, before they reveal that BB-8 has a map to Luke Skywalker.

Before Han can comment on helping them, his freighter ship is boarded by a pair of gangs who are both demanding payment from him. I love that he literally has not changed in all this time. It’s awesome. But a fight breaks out once they see that he’s got BB-8. Rey tries to help, but ends up releasing these dangerous aliens that Han was carrying on the freighter. They all make it to the Falcon to escape just in time, as one of the gang members orders them to send word to the First Order about Han having BB-8.

We then cut to Kylo and this general dude named Hux, speaking wi…



Nope. Done. Didn’t need to sleep tonight anyways.

And in case you weren’t freaked out enough, here’s a creepy artwork of the guy.



So this is basically our substitute for the Emperor, Supreme Leader Snoke. He’s linked to the Knights of Ren. We don’t know too much about them for now, I assume that’ll be in the next movie. FYI, he’s not like a bazillion metres tall, apparently he’s 7 foot or something. Still a massive motherfucker.

Regardless, Hux basically tries to suck up to Snoke in front of Kylo Ren, telling them that they need to destroy the planets that are linked to the Republic. Snoke approves of this and Hux goes to make preparations, giving Kylo that sneaky “I’m the favourite one, bitch” look. Kylo and Snoke then discuss about a new Awakening in the Force and Snoke reveals that Kylo Ren is the son of Han Solo.

So, looks like Han and Leia got it on, after all. Kylo then tells Snoke that Han means nothing to him and that he won’t be seduced. Snoke merely replies with “We shall see”.

Back on the Falcon, we see Rey and Han bond over their knowledge of the ship, (And Finn hilariously try to patch up Chewie who got injured in the escape) which eventually leads them to speak about the events from the first Trilogy. Han reveals that Luke tried to start the Jedi Order again, by training new Jedi. However, one of his students turned to the Dark Side and killed the other students. He then agrees to help get BB-8 to the Resistance, so he takes them to a planet where they can get the help they need.

They meet Maz Kanata, a woman who’s 1000 years old and an old friend to Han & Chewie. She cuts right the chase, asking him what he needs, since he’s obviously desperate enough to seek her out. As they make their way inside, insiders for both the First Order and the Resistance let their superiors know that BB-8 is on the planet.

We then cut to Kylo Ren, who’s speaking to the helmet of Darth Vader… How he got it in the first place, since Vader’s body was burned at the end of Return of the Jedi, I have no idea… But regardless, he begs for the helmet to give a glimpse of the power of Darkness and that he’ll finish what Vader started.


Um… Because that’s totally normal…

We cut back to the gang talking with Maz and she doesn’t agree to help them. She tells Han that he’s been running from Leia for too long and that he needs to confront her. She then looks at Finn, and essentially calls him out as a bitch, saying he’s filled with fear and wants to run. He gets butt-hurt about it and she shows him to a pair of people who can get him hidden. Rey and Finn have a small argument about it, where he reveals to her that he was a Stormtrooper. He tells her to run with him, but she refuses. They then part ways.

Rey then hears crying from the basement, where she goes down and find a room. There’s a small box, which she opens, that contains a lightsaber. She picks it up and is shown visions of the past. She sees a mixture of things, including Luke with R2D2, Kylo Ren standing over dead corpses, her as a child as her family abandons her, followed by a glimpse of her future, where she runs into Kylo Ren in a snowy forest. The vision ends and Maz is standing there, observing Rey.

Her and Maz speak, where Rey accepts the reality that her family will never return to Jakku for her. Maz then explains how the Force is around them, and the lightsaber used to belong to Luke & Anakin before him. Maz tells Rey that the lightsaber is calling to Rey, who tells Maz that she will never accept it, running off from Maz’s home and into the forest.

We then cut back to the First Order who are on the Starkiller Base, which is basically the Death Star 3.0… As in the FUCKING PLANET is the base. They went nek level with it. They ACTUALLY built a giant laser INTO THE PLANET! And after Hux does a monologue, they use it. On the Republic. Destroying 5 planets at once.


I have to admit, this was pretty epic.

The destruction of the Republic is seen on the planet where Han and the others are and upon seeing it, Finn decides to stay since he can’t abandon his friends. They are soon attacked by the First Order. BB-8 escapes the carnage, running off into the forest to find Rey. Han, Chewie, and Finn go to fight off the Stormtroopers. Before fighting, Maz gives Finn a weapon, being Luke’s lightsaber. And he’s not too bad with it.

He fights off a Stormtrooper with it, Han and Chewie providing assistance. However, they’re overpowered and are carted off to be taken to Kylo Ren. However, the Resistance arrives on the X-Wings, fighting against the First Order, giving the heroes time to escape.

We cut to Rey in the forest with BB-8, who’s trying to escape the fighting. She tells BB-8 to hide as she then runs into Kylo Ren. He deflects her blaster bolts with his lightsaber, soon enough freezing her in place by using the Force. He recognizes her as the girl he’s heard about & he knocks her out, taking her on his ship. The First Order retreats as the heroes see Rey being taken by Kylo Ren.

The heroes head back to the Resistance Base, where Poe is revealed to be alive and reunites with Finn. Leia and Han reunite and we learn that they’re fully aware of Kylo Ren being their son (Ben Solo, great shout-out to Obi Wan), and that was the cause of their separation. We also learn that R2D2 is at the base and has gone into Sleep Mode after Luke’s disappearance. We also learn that the Droid has the remainder of the map that BB-8 has.

But, shit’s about to go down as the Starkiller base has the Resistance in their sights. We also learn about how it works. It’s powered by the power of a Sun, sucking it dry, and then converts that energy into a focused beam.

Finn gives them the knowledge they need to destroy it and the Resistance goes to destroy it. Finn, Han, and Chewie go to save Rey, while also bringing down the shield from the inside.

Back at the base, we see Kylo Ren and Rey together. She scoffs at him for using a mask, so he takes it off. He’s not scarred, he’s not ugly, he’s actually a good looking guy, which throws Rey off a bit.


I bet Rey was like “… Fuck, he’s kinda hot”

Kylo tries to get the information out of Rey by using the Force, but Rey is able to counter him. She manages to turn it back onto him, revealing that he’s filled with fear and that he may not be as strong as Darth Vader. Kylo is taken aback and leaves the room to seek counsel from Snoke. Snoke tells Kylo to bring Rey to her, since he is also taken aback by her being able to best Kylo Ren.

Having come to the realization that she can use the Force, Rey tries to use a Jedi Mind Trick to convince a Stormtrooper to release her. It takes a couple of tries, but she manages to pull it off. She gets the blaster from the Stormtrooper and then escapes. Kylo Ren soon comes back to fetch her, only to see that Rey has escaped. He flies into a rage, destroying the room with his lightsaber.

Which leads me to the funniest scene in this movie.


Stormtroopers be like “… Yeah, fuck that shit. I ain’t dying today”

Seriously, the cinema cracked up laughing at that scene.

But regardless, Han, Finn, and Chewie infiltrate the base and manage to capture Captain Phasma (Who’s basically the new Boba Fett) to get her to bring down the shield. The Resistance fly in to destroy the core’s stabilizer, only to fail and then be forced to deal with the TIE Fighters.

The heroes manage to run into Rey and they decide to blow up  the stabilizer’s surface from the inside, giving the Resistance a chance. However, as they’re planting the bombs, Han notices Kylo Ren walking onto a bridge. He calls out “Ben” and Kylo stops. He takes off his mask and they exchange words.

Han tells Kylo to reject the Dark Side and Snoke, and to come back to the light. Kylo admits that it’s too late and Han offers to help his son. It almost seems like Kylo will come back to the Light Side as he attempts to hand his lightsaber to Han. And, just as the sun above them is sucked dry and all the light is gone…

han dies

The Dark Side sends it’s regards

Han Solo dies by the hand of his son.

There were a few gasps in the audience when this happened. Not from me though. Some cunt already spoiled it for me so I was like “… Meh”.

But regardless, Han looks at his son in shock as he falls off the bridge to his certain death. Chewie, overcome by rage, shoots Kylo Ren and then blows up the facility. The massive opening in the core’s stabilizer gives the Resistance the chance they need, as the weapon charges itself to fire upon the Resistance’s base.

Kylo Ren manages to cut off Finn and Rey and using the Force, knocks Rey back into a tree, knocking her out. He roars at Finn for being a traitor, prompting Finn to ignite his Lightsaber. Kylo remarks that the lightsaber is his, Finn telling him to come and get it.



Finn is able to hold his own for a bit, until Kylo manages to best him in combat. He injuries Finn greatly, slicing him up the back, and Finn falls to the ground. He then turns to the Lightsaber and uses the Force to try and pull it to him. Only for it to fly right past him and into Rey’s outstretched hand.

The Resistance are able to use the X-Wings to destroy the core’s stabilizer, which then causes the entire planet to become unstable, as the energy begins to level it out.

Now armed with Luke’s Lightsaber, Rey engages Kylo in combat, being able to hold herself, beforetrying to retreat while fighting. The reach a ravine where Kylo has her cornered. He remarks on her ability to use the Force and offers to teach her the ways of the Dark Side. She closes her eyes, remember Maz’s words about using the Light within. She empowers herself and then begins to duel with Kylo once again.


Holy shit, this bitch knows how to swing a Lightsaber

She manages to overpower Kylo, breaking his lightsaber and scarring his face with a deep gash. The planet’s surface then cracks, causing a ravine to separate the pair. They both stare at each other for a bit, until Rey rushes off to find Finn. She finds him and they are picked up by Chewie in the Falcon.

We cut back to Hux, who’s speaking with Snoke about the planet’s imminent destruction, where he then tells him to bring Kylo to Snoke, so that his training can be completed. The other commanding officers in the base notice Hux has abandoned them, and they proceed to flee the base as well.

The planet then blows up, with the Resistance and the Falcon making it out alive. Back at the base, BB-8 communicates with R2D2 and the droid suddenly awakens. They piece together the map and discover where Luke Skywalker has been all this time. Rey consoles Leia about Han, before giving Finn her farewell. With the Falcon, she flies with Chewie and R2D2 to the planet and after climbing all these steps and reaching the top of a mountain…


Aaaaand cue the cinema erupting in a roar of cheers and claps

She then pulls out the Lightsaber and offers it to Luke, who stands there, looking at it.

And that’s where the movie ends.


Thoughts on the Movie


I love this Lightsaber

The movie was pretty good overall, in my opinion. However, I understand the frustrations that some reviewers out there had when they said that it was too much of a “rip-off” of A New Hope, with a bit of Empire Strikes Back in there.

Guys. The last Star Wars movie came out in 2005. It’s been 10 years since we’ve had original content from the Star Wars franchise. I feel that they needed to get the nostalgia out of the way in the first movie, so that the next 2 can be completely original with new stuff that we haven’t seen before. And to be honest, I’m totally OK with that.

I know the movie got a lot of shit put on it for other reasons as well, and some of those I can completely agree with.

Rey and the Force

I’m getting this one done and out of the way first. Rey’s mastery of the Force in such a short amount of time was something that I was annoyed at. If they had shown her using the Force subtly throughout the movie, such as unwittingly moving objects over an incredibly short distance, or showed her unintentionally influencing others, such as the fat asshole with the portions, it would’ve been understandable that she had this power all along.

And I’m not the only one who thinks this. Pretty much most of the reviews about this movie, called bullshit on Rey being able to use the Force as effectively as she did, with no training whatsoever.

Now, I’m sure that in Episode 8 & 9, we’re going to get a better look into how Rey is able to use the Force, as well as a look at her lineage. Everyone’s made the assumption that she’s Luke’s daughter or Kylo’s sibling, so on. But let me make one argument about that.

The theory about Rey being Kylo’s sibling is off the mark. Han and Leia made NO mention of them having another child, and they have no reason to lie about having only one child. So that theory can get in the bin.

The idea of Rey being Luke’s daughter is somewhat OK, but I would’ve liked for her to be penned down as an original character with 0 ties to the main cast. We already have the fallen son through Kylo Ren, we don’t need a family clash at the end of the series.


If I had cousins my age, this would be how we fight over shit

Kylo Ren and his Darth Vader Obsession

This is something that intrigued me. Throughout the last 6 films, we always saw the concept of a Jedi being tempted with the Dark Side. But never have we seen a villain being tempted by the Light. I have to say, I was impressed with how Kylo Ren was struggling to resist the urge of the Light Side and how he WANTS to be evil.

We see briefly that he toyed with the idea of letting the Light Side in, with Han on the bridge, but eventually he was able to control himself and embrace the Dark Side once again. I also love how he has little tantrums when shit doesn’t go his way.

But what REALLY got me was in an interview with JJ Abrams, the director of the new movie, was that Snoke viewed Kylo Ren as a focal point of both the Dark AND the Light, which is what makes him so powerful. I suppose the next movie will give us more details on that, but the obsession with Darth Vader is something that kind of made Kylo Ren a bit of a weaker character in my eyes.

The idea of Kylo admiring his Grandfather’s achievements as a Sith Lord is something that I can totally understand, but to speak to the helmet of Darth Vader… Model his appearance after him… He’s basically a kid playing dress ups and when he throws his tantrums, this further proves it. It’s hard to see how anyone can take Kylo seriously after seeing him erupt into a tantrum over everything, and that scene with the Stormtroopers turning the fuck around to leave just shows that this is a common occurrence.

Screen Shot 2015-12-23 at 2.50.10 PM.png.CROP.article250-medium.50.10 PM

Best Twitter Account ever

That Scene On the Freighter

That was the weakest part of the movie in my eyes. I’m sorry, but while it was nice to see Han Solo try to bullshit his way out of things like he used to, it really didn’t serve much to the plot. I mean, arguably you could say that the two gangs spotting BB-8 was a good way to inform the First Order about Han Solo, but that could’ve been done so much better.

That scene was a good 10-15 minutes, which we could’ve used in getting some more exposition about who the Knights of Ren are, a bit more about how Kylo Ren was seduced by the Dark Side, how the new Republic came into power, etc.

But yeah, this scene just didn’t do it for me and quite frankly, it would’ve been better if they had just cut it out.

The Fan Service

As I said before, this movie pretty much is a mix of A New Hope & Empire Strikes Back. Honestly, there are a lot of similarities in these movies and quite frankly, I’m OK with that. I know a lot of people are giving shit about this not being too original, that they rehashed the Death Star concept, right down to the point where Han told the Resistance;

“There’s always a way to blow something like this up”

Yeah, there is. Because you used the same fucking idea 3 times now. I liked that they upped the ante and made it capable of destroying star systems as a whole, rather than single planets, but that was about it.

C3P0’s cameo was not needed. Sorry, I don’t care for the mechanical Jar Jar, he should have been binned after the original trilogy. Sorry not sorry for those who like that idiotic robot.

But, with all this comes a positive. We got all that shit done and dusted in the first movie. That means the next 2 movies are going to be original. We’re going to be getting new content. And this excites me.



What I’d like to see in the next Movie

I want to see the First Jedi Temple that they’re raving about. Actually, I want explanations for a LOT of things. I want to see how Kylo Ren was seduced by the Dark Side and how he came to own Darth Vader’s helmet. I want to know more about Snoke and whether he was affiliated with Palpatine or if he’s been in charge of Palpatine to some degree. I want to know more about the Knights of Ren and who they are, because they’re certainly not Sith, that much is certain.

But I want explanations. I want to see how this new universe came to be after the defeat of the Empire.

I know a lot of people want action, etc. But that can also be mixed in with it too. Luke training Rey in the ways of the Force would be action-filled, while giving her explanations about what Kylo Ren did, as well as more lore about the Jedi way. Same with Snoke completing Kylo Ren’s training, in which we’ll discover more about the Knights of Ren and how Snoke fits in to all of this.

And then, in Episode 9, shit hits the fan and everything we learned in Episode 8 gets put into play.

Also, if they don’t name the next movie, or the last one “The Force Unleashed”, I will be disappointed. First game was good, second game was rubbish.


My Verdict

Overall, a good movie for people who are fans of the franchise. Some improvements needed, but still a good movie.

8/10 – May the Force Be With You


Disclaimer: All images/videos used in this review belong to their respective owners.

Russell Packer

OK, guys… This is something that I’ve been wanting to make a piece about for some time now. I’ve got the spare time so now I have the chance to write it.

Now, you’ve probably noticed that I don’t have a funny picture or meme to start this post off, nor am I being humorous. Well, that’s because this is an important issue that I want to be taken seriously. And when I say seriously, I mean that I want people in the relevant political positions to read this and not have an excuse to call me out on being cheeky.

Now, let’s get one thing PERFECTLY clear: I do NOT condone what Russell Packer did to earn himself time in prison. I am PERFECTLY aware that the person that he physically assaulted will have to live with that experience for the rest of his life.

But you know what, so does Russell. It’s not an easy thing, having to remember flashes back to that one event that’s changed your life so significantly for the worst. I highly doubt that Russell gets a grin on his face whenever a flash memory of that assault comes to his mind.

He’s also done a large amount of time in prison, isolated away from those that he cares about. His wife, his children, he’s missed a whole year of his life with them. And unless you’ve either been to prison and/or have had a relative who’s been in prison, I don’t think you’re going to understand how torturous that can actually be.

To give you a brief run-down, imagine being locked away from those you care about for a year. Yes you’ve got people in prison to talk to, but let’s face it… You don’t want to really be talking to a bloke who’s doing 20 years for murdering someone or the bloke who’s raped someone’s partner while she was walking home. You want to hold your wife in your arms, feel their warmth on your skin, and share in their love. You want to see your children running around, laughing, and get the chance to bond with them as a father.

One year without all of that… It’s maddening. Both to Russell AND to his family. They haven’t seen him for one whole year as well, they’ve suffered throughout this as well.

Yes, I know that the man that Russell assaulted is also suffering, but this is about how every action has an equal and opposite reaction. And that’s where my argument makes it’s point.

The Australian Government’s new laws are threatening to deport Russell under the basis that he’s committed a crime in Australia, therefore he should be sent home. Forgive me for my lack of tact in making this next statement but;

Are you fucking serious, mate?

Russell has done a year in prison, and when he was released, there were plenty of chances for our government to act at that time and consider deporting him back to NZ. If this had been done at time, I might have felt a little more differently than I do now. But as I said before, every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

Russell has taken courses to rehabilitate himself, with the St. George Illawarra Dragons giving him their support, in order to make him eligible to get back into his field, which is being a professional athlete. Apart from physically training his body, Russell has taken a course in Community Services, as well as swearing off alcohol, which I can personally attest to him keeping that oath.

I recall being at the bar across from WIN Stadium where the Cutters were celebrating a win. Justin Hunt was on a pokie machine next to mine (Sorry Mum, I only spent $20), with Yaw Kiti Glymin next to him, a few of the boys were eating up and having a beer… Not Russell though. He was sitting with his family, drinking some cola and eating pizza.

I’m not a psychologist by any means, nor am I one to judge someone based off a single interaction… But when I saw him sitting there with his family, eating pizza, I thought to myself:

This is someone who looks like he’s made a genuine change for the better.

And this is coming from someone who’s only SEEN the bloke once. I’ve never even spoken to someone. This is the first impression I got off of him.

So there is where my point from earlier comes into play:

“this is about how every action has an equal and opposite reaction.”

Russell Packer physically assaulted someone. Action.
Russell Packer spent a year in prison. Reaction.

Russell Packer has taken courses to make himself a better person, removed the factors from his life that were a negative, and want to restart his life.


Is the appropriate Reaction REALLY to deport him? I don’t think it is. Had he come out of prison and chosen to continue his life the way that he had before going to prison, some people do, I would’ve had very different thoughts. But this is a man who’s shown genuine remorse for what he did. He’s ashamed of it and he wants to move on from it and make his life a better one.

As I said earlier, the man Russell assaulted will live with that for the rest of his life. But so will Russell. Action. Reaction.

Therefore, with every action has an equal and opposite reaction, I believe that deporting him is NOT the appropriate reaction, given his effort to rehabilitate himself.

This is the link to the Petition that has gone viral, demanding that Russell Packer be allowed to stay within Australia.

It currently has over 3000 signatures with MANY NRL players, past and present, also signing the petition. To name a few;

Josh Dugan
Joel Thompson
Benji Marshall
Jake Marketo
Craig Garvey
Dan Hunt
James Maloney
Krisnan Inu
Konrad Hurrell
Jeremy Latimore
Kevin Proctor

Those are just the ones who have shared the petition on social media, as well as had their comments on the petition liked by others. Rest assured, there are MANY more.

So, with all that being said, this is my final say on the matter, regarding Russell Packer. And, funnily enough, it actually comes from an Anime that bases itself on the principle of Action/Reaction:

“Humankind can not gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is Alchemy’s first law of equivalent exchange. In those days we really believed that to be the world’s one and only truth. But the world isn’t perfect and the law is incomplete. Equivalent exchange doesn’t encompass everything that goes on here, but I still choose to believe in its principle. That all things do come at a price. That there’s an ebb and a flow, a cycle, that the pain we went through did have a reward and that anyone who’s determined and perseveres will get something of value in return, even if it’s not what they expected. I don’t think of equivalent exchange as a law of the world anymore. I think of it as a promise.”

Alphonse Elric – Fullmetal Alchemist.

Farewell to Craig Garvey

INCREDIBLY under-rated player right here

INCREDIBLY under-rated player right here

… OK… I’m going to be a liar if I say that I didn’t see this coming from a mile away… BUT FUCK THIS BULLSHIT, I AM LEGITIMATELY PISSED OFF ABOUT THIS ONE. I was pissed off about Brett Morris leaving, but I felt OK with it because he had won us a premiership and the Dragons fucked him over, hence why he left. I was pissed off about Mez leaving because I didn’t think we’d get anyone to replace him, but after seeing some our new signings, I’m OK with it…

But losing our #GarveyModeEngage, who could’ve been a great Hooker for our team and wear the #9 for YEARS to come? That pissed me off. Immensely.

And the fact that the Dragons won’t even acknowledge the fact that they released him, and the poor bloke took it upon himself to let the fans know via Instagram… Which got taken down, probably because the management at the Dragons had a hissy fit…




He’s getting an entire blog post to himself. ONLY ONE OTHER PLAYER HAS HAD THIS TREATMENT. Congrats Garvs, you’ve achieved B-Moz-level respect from me. Wear it like a badge of honour. There aren’t many players who have this level of respect from me.

I'm not going to cry... I'm not going to cry... Fuck.

Two Ex-Dragons who are now in the “Respect for Life” List

I’ve been keeping an eye on Craig ever since he captained the Dragons NYC team back in 2013, got a role in in the U20’s State of Origin team, followed by his Round 17 debut against the Roosters, & I have to say that he showed a lot of potential back in 2013. So, while I cheered and supported my team as usual, I’ve also kept an eye on the lower grades to see what sort of talent we had coming through the ranks. I have this feeling when I’ve seen players who I believe have the potential to go far in their careers.

I’ve seen it with Euan Aitken, Jack Bird, Drew Hutchinson, & Jackson Hastings, and I’ve seen it with Craig Garvey. He continued to do well in the lower grades and I couldn’t wait to see him get a shot at First Grade.

For those ignorant people out there who have no idea who the fuck I’m talking about (If you’re one of these people, get out right now and get in the sea where you belong), Craig Garvey was one our upcoming players who had taken a one year hiatus from the game, due to off-field issues.

If you don’t know what they were, long story short:
Dickhead was being a cheeky cunt to Craig and pushed him. Craig decked the motherfucker and the dickhead who was made Garvs’ bitch, whinged to the cops. This led to a massive off-field drama for Garvs, who had to stick to the sidelines, unable to actually play that season, bar for a couple of games… BTW, one of which being against the Sharks at Wollongong, where THIS epic picture was made.

The Birth of #GarveyModeEngage

The Birth of #GarveyModeEngage

That picture, that moment right there… That’s the birth of #GarveyModeEngage, which was a hashtag created by my mate @WallyFrogmore on Twitter (Follow him you cheeky cunts, he literally had no chill). I kinda just “adopted it” into my artworks… With his permission of course… OK fine, I annexed it, fuck you all. But literally this the best pic of this bloke in Dragons Gear, ever. Seriously, someone actually find out where this jersey, that he’s wearing, is located right now. I want to frame it. Regardless, courts saw it out, Garvs was found guilty, but due to good behavior in the past, he got 300 hours community service, which saw him reinstated with the Dragons at the start of 2015.

Now, I expected Garvs to be groomed as our next Hooker from this point. He had the skill, Rein couldn’t last a full 80 minutes in the game, it was common sense. I mean, why keep the bloke on if you had no intentions of using him, right? Well, obviously there was a different plan in motion, given that Mary (Coach McGregor) kept Heath L’Estrange as the back-up Hooker. Now this is something that I questioned greatly and ultimately concluded that Heath’s role was to give Rein a much needed kick up the bum to get him into action, which actually worked to be honest. But then, towards the middle of the season, Mary saw the light and FINALLY, after nearly a year and half, decided to use Garvs on the bench. It wasn’t the best time for Garvs to be out there, considering that the Dragons weren’t doing so well around that time, but it was good to see him get some experience that I was sure would contribute to his spot in 2016 with us.

However, one thing did annoy me… The lack of use during that horrible game against the Broncos. I was SCREAMING at the TV, for Mary to pull his finger out and get Garvs in Dummy Half, and get Hutchinson in the halves so JBD could ACTUALLY do his job properly… NOPE. Nothing. But regardless, Garvs did OK until that game. After that, Rein was forced to play 80 minutes, and poor Garvs didn’t even get another chance at 1st Grade again for the Dragons.

Now, during the off-season, there were rumours going around that Garvs was getting shopped to the Raiders, and my heart sank. I could see Garvs’ spot getting threatened when the Dragons bought Havili, but I felt as though it was more or less to do what L’Estrange did to Rein, to motivate him. Plus, Peter Mulholland himself, told me at the Dragons Coaches Forum that was held earlier in 2015, that Craig Garvey’s contract had been adjusted so that he would be staying with us until 2016. So naturally, I assumed Craig would stay on. Now, I read the article where Garvs stated that he wanted to repay the faith at the club, and I’ve had word from people that it was 100% true, which is great to hear… But I also heard that there’s a clause in his contract that stated if he played 1st Grade with us, he was allowed to shop himself around for 2016, due to the fact he earned $80k.

What idiot decided THAT would be a good idea? Seriously? Well, it turns out that it’s obviously worked because Craig’s signed with the Bulldogs for the next 2 years.

OK, Bulldogs, you need to stop trying to be us, OK? You’re copying our look with you CEO failing at using the “Blue V” line, your derek fans are trying to steal D4L (Dragons 4 Life) from us and turn it into Dogs 4 Life, and you’re fucking taking all of our players. Josh Morris, Brett Morris, now Craig Garvey too. Bulldogs, you can:

You're totally singing this in your head right now, aren't you?

You’re totally singing this in your head right now, aren’t you?

But my natural hatred for the Doggies aside, I’m actually glad that Craig’s done this. Not leaving the Dragons, because I want us to actually be able to retain good players. I’m glad because he’s got more of a chance of breaking into regular 1st Grade with the Bulldogs than he does at the Dragons. And he deserves it.

As someone who’s had to watch from the outside, I’ve seen someone who’s gone through troubling times and has learned a great deal from it. I know that people often make jokes about how I make such a big deal over this, but in all honesty… This isn’t purely about Craig. This is about my club, the Dragons, investing their time and resources to give the bloke a second chance, only to not actually give him that chance. He’s now got that chance at another club, when he’s shown the passion for the Dragons that some of the other players, I feel, haven’t. The bloke kept up with his fitness during that year he was off. He trained daily to not lose his edge, this guy showed fucking commitment.

I saw that from the social media posts and I saw that this man has the potential to go far. It’s just a shame that it won’t be at the Dragons.

I wish you all the best at the Bulldogs for the next 2 years, mate. I hope you get the chance to break there and show everyone what you’re made of. And I’m foolishly optimistic that hopefully you’ll come back home to the Red V, where you really belong. You’re a top bloke Craig & remember to:



The Dragons – End of Season Review





8th. We finished in the 8th position, we made it to the finals, and it took a GOLDEN POINT KICK to finally defeat us. We showed you motherfuckers that we’re not a team of losers, but a team of champions who gave it their all. Motherfuckers ALL week were saying we were pretenders, that we were going to get smashed, that we were going to be destroyed, etc. WELL WE WENT OUT LIKE MOTHERFUCKING BOSSES & NO ONE CAN TAKE THAT AWAY FROM US. NO. FUCKING. ONE.

But, let’s get this show on the road.

Now before I continue, I feel as though I have to repeat something that I wrote in my other 2 Dragons blog posts.

– The following are my own thoughts and not influenced by anyone else.
– I don’t have any informants/spies/sources/double agents in the club feeding me information that a multitude of fans seem to have.
– I don’t know any of the players personally.
– I don’t usually take note of rumours spread by fans and the media… ESPECIALLY the media. (Ever heard of the phrase “Never let the Truth get in the way of a Good Story”?) BUT, for the sake of making this post, I will be addressing them throughout.
– I will be honest, and honesty usually equals harsh words. If you’re not happy with what I’m about to say, then too bad. If you’re a veteran reader of my blog, you know how my honesty goes.

Are we all on the same page now? Good. Let’s begin.


I swear, this was me during every game leading up to the Finals

The Lead Up to the Finals

Oh my God, the Dragons know how to build up my blood pressure and nearly put me into cardiac arrest. Seriously, the massive roller-coaster ride leading up to the Finals was just… Oh my god… Now, if you’ve read my last Dragons blog (Click here to see the Mid Season Review), we left off after the Round 13 game against the Bulldogs. I don’t know WHAT the fuck happened to us after that game… Injuries started popping up out of nowhere and we ended up losing the next 6 games straight. I felt as though my heart was getting ripped out of my chest for those games, seeing us drop down the ladder at an alarming rate. Roosters, Eels, Cowboys, Bunnies, Sharks, Storm. They all ripped us apart, injuries occuring left, right, & centre, Merrin suspended from Origin, morale dropping within the team and the fanbase, it was getting pretty dark out there for the Dragons fans. A lot of talk was being thrown around that Mary was a pretender, that he had no idea what he was doing, all that rubbish that everyone usually says when a team doesn’t do well.

And then we played the Knights, at home, on the Marvel Superhero Round & we fucking owned them, 46-24.



We came back in the 2nd half of that game and just LAID THE FUCKING SMACK DOWN ON THOSE ARACHNIDS! Oh god, it was beautiful to watch. Especially since I fucking hate Spiderman as a Marvel character. The following game was even better. Playing the Warriors, in New Zealand, keeping them scoreless 36-0. It was just a beautiful thing. 2 games, 2 wins, 2 massive margins for our For/Against scores, it was feeling like it was a start of a new winning streak… Until the Broncos screwed us over and wrecked us on the field.

Although… To be fair, we had travelled to NZ, trained and played there, then travelled straight to Brisbane, trained and played there. Lads were probably a bit tired from the travelling at that point. But, regardless, we were in a bit of a bind from that point.

The next three games, Panthers, Titans, & Tigers, were all very scrappy games. I think the injuries were starting to take their toll as our boys barely scraped through the Panthers and Tigers games to get the win, and then… After 3 fucking long ass years…


Yaaaaay! This dickhead's back!

This was legit me after the Tigers game

The Finals

We made it, motherfuckers. We fucking made it. For the first time since the dark Steve Price era, we made it into the finals. I’m not gonna lie, it was scrappy as hell and one HELL of a rollercoaster… But we made it. Of course, we had the usual “Dragons would choke” insults being thrown around by everyone, the media were saying that the Bulldogs were going absolutely smash us, etc. etc…


Everyone said that we were going to get smashed. Everyone. The media, Doggies fans, even some Dragons fans, everyone said that we were going to get our pants pulled down during that game. And do you know what the final score of that game was?



THAT’S IT! ONE Point… You wanna know HOW it got to one point? GOLDEN POINT. We finished that 80 minutes with the score being 10-10. We fucking stuck through to the very end. We actually managed to hold an even score with the Bulldogs, who have a squad experienced with finals footy mind you, and were able to go down with honour. But, the game itself was not without problems.

Kasiano and Pritchard are 2 of the fucking grubbiest players I’ve ever seen and it’s a MIRACLE that Gareth Widdop is not injured. Kasiano tried to rip Widdop’s head off, Pritchard literally knee’ed Gaz in the back… And they were not punished for it… I mean… Really?

Yes I am, Joshua. These two dickheads literally got away with it… Although, having your previous CEO as the Head of Football would do that…

Alas, we put up a valiant effort, but were defeated nonetheless… And you know what? I’m OK with that. I really am. I have NO bad feelings about going down with a fight, when we literally gave it our all. Benji Marshall got sent off due to injury, Joel Thompson’s hammy fucked up again, our players were getting battered and bruised… And we managed to get to an even level in a low-scoring game. I’m perfectly OK with the effort my team put in.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how our season ended…

Really, I'm not.

Really, I’m not.

Standout Players

Oh man, where do I even begin… A LOT of our squad stepped up to the plate this year and delivered some quality talent. Actually quite surprised that we did so well for a team that was initially going to get the Wooden Spoon, according to the “experts”. But with that said, here are my Top 5 Players who stood out in 2015:

5: Trent Merrin

4: Euan Aitken

3: Leeson Ah Mau

2: Gareth Widdop

1: Josh Dugan

Yep. These guys are the ones who stood out for me the most in 2015. I think that we have a diamond in the rough with Leeson Ah Mau in particular, given how every week he’s just put in the effort and continually improves his game. Mary seems to have brought out the talent in Ah Mau and I can only see it getting better.

Euan Aitken is another player who I think is a diamond in the rough. At the age 19 on debut (now 20), he’s shown a prodigious talent for Rugby League, with many Red V fans saying that he’s essentially going to turn into our next Matt Cooper. And, given how well he’s been performing for us over the year, that’s a fair assessment to make.

Gareth’s been awesome during this season. He’s really becoming one of our key play-makers and it’s clear that he’s someone who’s going to be a great asset to our team. I just wish he had a bit more control of the ball, because I’ve noticed that he tends to put on a much better performance when he’s not sharing control with Benji.

Trent Merrin’s played well for someone who’s leaving us next year to go to Penrith. Getting his debut Australian Rep Jersey this year, getting picked for Origin, he’s shown that he’s going to be missed next year in the Red V. Sure, he’s had a few blunders during certain games, but the stats don’t lie. He’s done a lot for our team whenever he touches the ball, and as I said before, he’ll be sorely missed by us.

But, my number 1 player of the year has to be Josh Dugan.

This has arguably been Dugan’s best season in the Red V and it’s pretty easy to see why. He’s been consistently performing well, he’s been picked for Origin as well as getting his debut Australian Rep Jersey, Duges has been nothing but class this year. One of our key play-makers, Dugan’s shown that when he touches the ball, he can make magic happen. Only criticism I have of Duges, is that he’s gotta pass the ball, but that’s about it. But it’s clear to see that Duges has come a long way from that young rascal who was drinking Crusiers on a rooftop.

Which, let’s face it, is probably the most exciting thing to do in Canberra anyway. Seriously, I went there for our Round 3 game against the Raiders & after 20 minutes of being in Canberra, I was already fucking bored out of my mind. (Note to self, rant about Canberra being boring later).

I am thoroughly convinced that this was a legit conversation

I am thoroughly convinced that this was a legit conversation

Farewells & Off Contract

So, we are letting go of some of our players, as all clubs tend to do, so it’s time to list the players who won’t be in the Red V next year:

Nathan Green (Manly Sea Eagles)
Dan Hunt (retired)
Justin Hunt (Wests Tigers)
Trent Merrin (Penrith Panthers)
Eto Nabuli (rugby union)
Rory O’Brien (Parramatta Eels)
Charly Runciman (Widnes Vikings)

Trent obviously is the biggest loss out the guys who are leaving us, given that he’s been one of our stand out players this year. Charly Runciman was a player who I think should’ve been promoted to wear the #2 this year. He’s played in that position before, he’s done well at it, so I don’t understand why he wasn’t selected. Regardless, good luck to him. I really hope we get him back in the Red V one day.

Nathan Green and Dan Hunt… Meh. Sorry, Dan’s done shit-all since last year, Nathan Green makes me cringe whenever he touches the ball. I’m honestly not going to miss either of them. They’re nice guys, I’ve met them and had a nice chat with them, but seriously, they should’ve been gone last year.

But, in terms of who’s Off-Contract with this for this year, there are only 1 players who I REALLY want to retain:

Craig Garvey

Yep. Craig Garvey. This kid has a LOT of potential as a hooker and, in my opinion, has already shown skills on par with Mitch Rein. Garvs was suspended for most of last year, following his assault charges for decking a dickhead in the face (Seriously, I’ve heard how that went down. If I were Garvs, I would’ve decked the fuckwit too). He’s been put down as off-contract for 2016, which I find strange, seeing how at the Coaches Forum earlier in the year, I had a chat with Peter Mulholland who said that Garvs is actually extended out to 2016, since he had that year off. But nonetheless, this is someone who will KILL it in the Red V and if the Dragons are smart, they’d hang onto him.

Thanks mate

Thanks mate

2016 Prediction

With the addition of big players, like Mose Masoe, Russell Packer, Tyrone McCarthy, & Dunamis Lui, as well as some utility players like Siliva Havili, the Red V are looking to have a fantastic 2016 season where a top 4 position is well within sights. I feel that once we sign some quality backs to cover the #2, as well as add some depth, then we’ll be a force to be reckoned with.

Paul McGregor has done WONDERS with a team that was penned at the beginning of the year to be Wooden Spooners, & it’s only going to get better from here.

My Prediciton for 2016:

2nd – 5th

Ideal 2016 Team List:

  1. Josh Dugan
  2. Peter Mata’Utia
  3. Kurt Mann
  4. Euan Aitken
  5. Jason Nightingale (Captain if Gaz is injured)
  6. Gareth Widdop (C) (Drew Hutchinson if injured)
  7. Benji Marshall (Drew Hutchinson if injured)
  8. Leeson Ah Mau
  9. Mitch Rein
  10. Mike Cooper
  11. Tyson Frizell
  12. Joel Thompson
  13. Mose Masoe
  14. Jack DeBelin (Edited because people are whinging about him not being there)
  15. Russell Packer
  16. Tyrone McCarthy
  17. Craig Garvey
I fucking love this team so much

2016 will be the Year of the Dragon

The Dragons – A Mid-Season Review

Yaaaaay! This dickhead's back!

Haters gonna hate, Dragons gonna dominate

Oh hey, NRL… Remember how you… Heh… “Predicted” that we were going to come 15th this year? Well, sorry to disappoint you, but we’re FUCKING 3RD! THAT’S RIGHT! WE’RE 3RD THE NERDS & I AM OK WITH THIS.

Wow. Just… Just wow… I literally have no words that describe the joy and pride that fills me whenever people mention the Dragons now. That’s not to say that I never did have any joy or pride, but it was disheartening to constantly read articles about how we kept losing, about how we’re not finals material, about how our forwards were too soft, and all that other bullshit that the media seemed to enjoy writing about us.

But, all that changed when a man named Paul “Mary” McGregor took over as our coach and got our gears going.

Now before I continue, I feel as though I have to repeat something that I wrote in my other blog post, predicting where I thought the Dragons would end up.

– The following are my own thoughts and not influenced by anyone else.
– I don’t have any informants/spies/sources/double agents in the club feeding me information that a multitude of fans seem to have.
– I don’t know any of the players personally.
– I don’t usually take note of rumours spread by fans and the media… ESPECIALLY the media. (Ever heard of the phrase “Never let the Truth get in the way of a Good Story”?) BUT, for the sake of making this post, I will be addressing them throughout.
– I will be honest, and honesty usually equals harsh words. If you’re not happy with what I’m about to say, then too bad. If you’re a veteran reader of my blog, you know how my honesty goes.

Are we all on the same page now? Good. Let’s begin.

God damn it

Mitch Rein is clearly annoyed that JBD’s Man Bun was still a thing

The Horror Start

Ugh… Those first 2 rounds were a nightmare to watch. ESPECIALLY Round 2 when the Tigers didn’t just catch us with our pants down, they pretty much ass-raped us. I mean, I had NO idea what the fuck was going on during those two first rounds. I actually called in a massive IOU from my boss, JUST so I could make it to Round 1 and see the new Dragons team come into effect.

I’d see Nabuli in the trials, I’d see how we went in the 9’s, Charity Shield, and World Club Challenge… I was optimistic and I was beaming with joy to see how we went. And then Round 1 happened, we lost to Melbourne, and I was just gutted. Round 2, thank GOD I wasn’t there to watch that. I’d heard about it from friends and social media and I actually contemplated calling to cops to report that the Tigers had fucking raped us in that game.

Of course, the fans weren’t happy, understandably so, and many were quick to blame McGregor for not changing anything on the team, as well as blaming players who didn’t perform well… Hell, I heard people fucking booing Trent Merrin in Round 1.

… Assholes… You do NOT boo Trent Merrin. Go fuck yourselves.

Pretty much what Duges said, you fuckwits

But regardless, there WERE some shocking performances by certain players in those rounds, the worst of them being Dane Nielsen. For someone who was penned as being an Origin player when we signed him, he showed NOTHING of the sort. He was horrible in defense, horrible in attack. And this motherfucker was with us for 2 years. No wonder people lost their shit about him. And it’s no wonder his attitude off the field is just as bad as it was on the field, given he was fired from the Dragons shortly afterwards for biting a woman on the leg.

… Wait. I’m actually curious now, what the hell was he doing to put his head in a position where he could bite a woman on the leg? Actually… No, I’d rather not know.

But all of our luck would take a MASSIVE turn for the better in Round 3.

This little champion is the cause for our turnaround, in my opinion

The Winning Streak

Oh. My. God. I LITERALLY have no idea what the fuck switched our boys on… But fuck me, what happened after Round 2 is just nothing short of divine intervention.


Fucking games.




6 FUCKING GAMES IN A ROW! WE WON 6 FUCKING GAMES IN A ROW! My god, I don’t even know where to begin with this epicness! Well, probably the Raiders game in Round 3, which is where it started.

Now, I’ve never actually been to GIO Stadium in Canberra, so this was a first for me. I got to drive for 3 hours to Canberra, I took a piss on the side of the road with my pants and undies around my ankles because fuck it, why not, and I got to see that Canberra is one fucking boring place that no one should ever see. But regardless, I got my ticket, I got hassled by security about my banner for no fucking reason, and then I got inside to watch the game.

The first 20 minutes? Woeful. I thought, fuck this, here we go again.

But then… I don’t know what happened… But the team just sparked up and fought back. I was legitimately shocked, it was like seeing a completely different team out there. Euan Aitken was on debut, Josh Dugan had been sin-binned for 10 minutes, which sparked the team even more… But the most epic part was that Joel Thompson scored a try, in Canberra, for the Dragons…

And I got on TV with my Thompson the Tank Engine Banner.




Right… Excuse me, I kinda lost track for a moment there…

But, regardless, the standout of Round 3 was definitely this kid.


Seriously, Euan Aitken is our lucky charm or something.

Euan Aitken. Man, this is a kid who I’m penning down as our next Matt Cooper. He was on 19 when he debuted and already, he’s putting some of our other centres on show. He had big wraps on him in the preseason, with the other guys saying how he’s a future star, etc. But why it took 2 horror rounds for this kid to get a start, is beyond me. Regardless, young Aitken still has plenty of time to develop his skills and become a kick-ass player.

And then from Round 3, it was all uphill from here. Win after win, we shot up the ladder and shut all the haters up. Those idiots who said that we would be coming 15th were probably getting the shits about how good our team was going. I do have to admit though, my favourite game in that winning streak was how we pumped the Doggies 31-6. Oh man, that game was amazing. I was in the Telstra suite, getting free food and booze, got to meet Runciman, Wakeman, Nutira, O’Brien, & Garvey, got photobombed by Nathan Fien, who is hilarious, & watching the Bulldogs get caught with their pants down in such a brutal game.

But life was good. We were getting up on the ladder, we were winning games, and the team was just looking amazing. Until we played Souths…

Call me a bitch again. I fucking dare you.

Hey, Joel, I know where some of these refs shop for groceries. Say the word & they “disappear”

The Bullshit Game & The Comeback

Yep. Bullshit 2015, people. We played against Souths, who are the reigning premiers, and they had help in their win over us… And by help, I mean the referees.

Mind you, this is bullshit that we’ve had to experience throughout the season. Refs making bullshit calls against us at crucial times. One prime example was the ANZAC Day game where Dylan Farrell’s blatant try was blatantly ignored.

Regardless, we had a good game against Souths… If the refs didn’t decide to just award Souths every fucking penalty under the sun… But I digress. It was a good game, marred by bad refereeing and ultimately, a weak display from our team. But, that’s not an insult by any means. 6 wins in a row, we were bound to lose one at some point. I mean, it’s not like this is a movie where we were going to go undefeated all the way to the finals, even though that’s how it totally should have happened.

But we bounced back, stronger than ever, giving the Raiders and the Sharks a massive beating in incredible games. The Sharks one was infinitely the better one though, in my opinion, and ultimately one of the best games I’ve been to in this year.

Local Derby at Kogarah, surrounded by a sea of Red and White (And a little tiny splotch of blue and white, but who gives a fuck about those guys), watching the Sharks get absolutely smashed with a mate who flew up interstate, watching another mate give the Sharks a glimpse of a full moon in broad-daylight, walking out onto the pitch after the game, meeting the players after the game…  God damn, that was a good game.

And then the Bulldogs and the refs, Gerard Sutton & Chris James, had to FUCK things up when we played against the Bulldogs…

Pretty much how I felt while watching the game via LiveStream from work

Don’t worry Craig, I’ll pin the fuckers down while you belt into them & we’ll come up with an alibi later.

Fuck These Refs

… You know what, I’m going to go there. We were robbed. 100%, we were fucking robbed. THE REFEREES ACTUALLY APOLOGIZED TO OUR PLAYERS AFTER THE GAME! Who does that? Who the fuck honestly does that? And then something APPARENTLY came out about Sutton saying that he felt conflicted about awarding certain penalties against the Dogs’ favour, as to avoid sparking the rage of the Bulldogs fans. In case you’re wondering why he has to be scared of those fans, basically a small minority of Dogs fans decided to assault the refs by throwing objects at them after their Good Friday game against Souths.

So… Just out of curiousity… If you feel as though you have to officiate a certain way, because you’re scared of how a team’s fans would react… Um… How about you just not officiate any game with that team in it? This is a serious question, how many more games is this clown going to screw up, because he’s scared of the Dogs fans? NRL, if you’re serious about improving the game then maybe you should start with the fucking referees influencing the games in certain ways, due to fear.

Oh, and before I forget;


Well… Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest…


Definitely a pic I’d like to see repeated at the Grand Final this year

Things We Improved On

There are a few things that we improved on, which include:

– Discipline, discipline, discipline. There has been an abundance of this around the team, and it’s clear to see that the results are well worth it. As I wrote in my Preseason Prediction, there was a blatant & evident huge lack of discipline in the Steve Price era & it was clear what the results of a lack of discipline were. Definitely a tick for McGregor.

– Defense. Holy shit, for those 6 weeks, we had a brick wall defense that was impregnable. We defended set after set, and it was just amazing. Granted, a few chinks in the wall have started to appear, but the wall still stands strong. It’s honestly looking like 2010 out there, as just as it was back then, Defense wins Premierships.

– Confidence. This is the biggest thing I’ve seen our boys have this year. You can see that they’re making stronger efforts than they were last year, and just like the other things I’ve mentioned, it’s clearly having a positive effect on the team. And I can only see it growing from here.

– The Team’s Unity is something that’s definitely been a big boost as well. The guys are just clicking together and it’s fucking amazing. Especially Widdop and Marshall, who had some troubles at the start but worked them out. Rein’s improved heaps as well, creating opportunities for others to strike, and our forwards are pretty much so good that 2/3 of them are picked for Origin (Why they didn’t pick Joel Thompson is completely beyond me, but I digress).

– Peter Mulholland. You beautiful, beautiful man… This guy just worked a fucking miracle and got Jason Nightingale to stay with the Dragons on a reduced contract, where as anyone else wouldn’t of been able to pull it off. Renewing Will Matthews was also another masterstroke. Now, while I don’t approve of some of his other choices (Beau Henry, Kris Keating, & Dane Nielsen, I’m looking at you assholes), he’s showing that he’s going to be a gun at keeping our star players at the club…

If only he could’ve helped us keep B-Moz and Mez, but that’s not his fault… That’s his boss’ fault, which I’m not going to go into.

But, basically, there’s some good shit happening at the Dragons at the moment & I’m loving every bit of it.



… I swear, this is legit one of my favourite pics of a Dragons player. Someone get Craig Garvey into First Grade, ASAP.

Anyways, back on track…

There you go ladies, who said I don't look after you.

Um… I’m starting to think George Rose has a bit of a fascination with our guys in Speedos…


My Prediction (Updated) for 2015

I can see that my previous prediction of 7th – 10th, is obviously an incorrect one. I AM HUMAN, GUYS! I MAKE MISTAKES LIKE THE REST OF YOU, OK? But honestly, it’s great to the see that the boys are beating our expectations and are just shooting up way past them. At the point of time from when I’m writing this, the Dragons are currently coming 3rd on the ladder, having tasted the top spot a couple of times in this season.

Dragons TV asked me what I thought about this during the Sharks game (No really, they did. Here’s the link, skip to 0:21 to see my beautiful ugly face on there), and I have to say that I’d stick by what I said.

Realistic Prediction: 4th-5th



Goku Approves

Goku Approves